


Saving Ourselves

by DaniPayson



Category: The X-Files
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-24
Updated: 2018-10-24
Packaged: 2019-08-06 17:38:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 45,732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16392182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DaniPayson/pseuds/DaniPayson
Summary: This was a story I had started in 2014 with the own canon I had in my previous work and an idea I had about where I wanted to take these characters. I never finished it due to new canon which was created in 2016. Even though most of it was completed I wanted to give it an ending so I didn't feel it was a complete waste of time. I'm not sure if I will ever continue on with the characters I created in this story, but never say never.





	Saving Ourselves

Quiet

You don't appreciate quiet as much as you should until you can't remember the last time you had a moment to yourself. The five-year-old at tap, the twelve-year old at basketball practice and me with a glass of wine and a good book that hadn't been cracked open in months.

 

The old grandfather clock ticked away as I opened to page...

Ten

and took a large quaff of the merlot which was purchased for New Years and hadn't been opened until today

 

February 22, 2014

 

It was noon, but thanks to car pools I could have a drink before the children and their loudness would return in less than two hours...one hour fifty-nine minutes...I better start savoring the words of Chaucer and the finest grapes in all of France.

 

For the last month and a week, I had played single parent. After returning to the bureau five years prior - a decision I still questioned and or regretted to this day - my partner, office mate and husband had been on assignment in London. He got to travel, I got Tuesdays and Thursdays in the car pool. I didn't lament my choices; being blessed with a second child and having my first returned to me - regardless of the circumstances - were miracles I would forever be thankful for....I just wondered why he couldn't drive the Wilson twins to school every now and then.

 

And tomorrow, a Sunday just like any other, but there was one big difference...

 

I was turning fifty.

 

What surprises would a five year old and a twelve year old have in store for me? I couldn't imagine. I'm sure there would be a Skype date with my beloved who would promise me the world when he returned home and forget everything the second the plane hit the tarmac.

 

Don't get me wrong, the man tried. When I turned thirty-three he gave me a keychain, at forty-five he gave me an engagement ring; Mulder had evolved.

 

Maybe he would bring back a giant chocolate tower in the shape of Big Ben.

 

As the merlot helped ease the bitterness the doorbell rang. I wasn't expecting anyone and my neighbors in our Chantilly neighborhood appreciated quiet moments as much as I did, so I knew they weren't bothering me; but fearing the worst I finished the glass then went to open the door.

 

There was a limousine out in front of my house with a man in a black suit standing on my porch

 

"Mrs. Mulder?" he asked

 

Even after five years I would never be used to being called that and the ache in the pit of my stomach began to grow. "Yes..." I replied my voice trembling.

 

"I need you to come with me." he said in a very stern tone which made me wish I had brought the rest of the bottle to the door.

 

"Why?" I asked as I attempted to swallow the lump in my throat, "My children will be home soon."

 

"Arrangements have been made." he continued his face never cracking

 

My heart began to beat rapidly...here it was, the day before my birthday and my world was crumbling. Tears began to follow without my permission and the man's eyed widened.

 

"No ma'am, it's not what you think!" the slightly older overweight, but not much taller than me man called out as he tried to approach me.

 

I backed away, nothing he said was making sense, how could I tell my children...

 

My cell phone began to ring.

 

It was sitting next to the open bottle of wine and I felt as if I had to answer it due to the fact the ring was some horrible Elvis song I didn't know the words to.

 

"Hello?" I said my tears evident in my voice.

 

"Just get in the car Scully." Came the voice I needed to hear. Instead of feeling a sense of reassurance I just cried harder. Maybe it was the wine, maybe it was the relief of knowing my husband wasn't dead or maybe it was knowing AARP would start annoying me soon; either way the tears fell and I couldn't stop them.

 

"You know with the internet and home security I can see you right now." he continued as I bawled, the ability to form words just wasn't something I was capable of right now.

 

I heard him sigh, loudly, "I made arrangements with Gretchen and Anne to take the kids to your mothers'. Just get in the car." he said in a persistent manner.

 

"Why?" Finally escaped my quivering lips.

 

"Because I asked you to."

 

I nodded, even though I knew he wouldn't know that - but with cameras all over our home - except our bedroom and all bathrooms -  he could obviously see it.

 

"Just don't forget your purse."

 

I nodded again

 

"And passport."

 

"Why?"

 

The phone went dead. Mulder was known for being eccentric, and he was obviously up to something and sometimes I just had to trust him - well always - so, after capping and putting the wine back in the fridge I grabbed my coat, jacket and keys and followed the driver out to the limousine which I'm sure had all my neighbors gossiping as I walked out to it with my hair in a messy bun complete with mom jeans and flannel oversized top. Hell at least they made a comeback.

 

For some reason I always kept my passport in my purse, so that was no issue, but due to mother paranoia I had to call my own mother who assured me that yes my children were being dropped off at her home today, but refused to tell me for how long. It was like everyone had a secret they were keeping from me; and I hated it.

 

The drive  to Dulles took less than twenty minutes, the driver pulled up to departures and after opening my door, handed me a black bag.

 

"Everything you need is in here." he said tipping his hat to me.

 

Unsure what to do in these instances, I opened my purse to which he stopped me with his hand, "No need, your husband took care of everything."

 

"Can I ask you one thing?" I said needing to know, "When did he arrange all of this?"

 

"A month ago." the driver smiled.

 

"And he couldn't have let me in on any of it. I look like hell."

 

"You look beautiful ma'am. Have a nice trip."

 

Grabbing a seat inside the terminal I unzipped the black bag as quickly as possible and pulled out a folder. First class to Paris at 5:10PM on Lufthansa. The rest of the bag contained a second set of contacts, solution, a second set of prescription eye glasses - he covered the necessities, but other than that...

 

"What the hell!" I exclaimed once he picked up the phone.

 

"Are you at the airport?" he replied

 

"Yes, where I get to hang out for four hours before said flight I knew nothing about leaves."

 

"Do I need to read you Webster's definition of surprise?"

 

"I have no luggage."

 

"To strike or occur to with a sudden feeling of wonder or astonishment, as through unexpectedness."

 

"Mulder..."

 

"To come upon or discover suddenly and unexpectedly." Mulder continued to rattle on.

 

"Cut it out!"

 

"To make an unexpected assault on- no that doesn't fit."

 

"Mulder stop reading me definitions off the internet!"

 

"Just making sure you understand all elements of what a surprise is."

 

"Yes, I do, but why today?

 

"Because with the flight time and time difference and the sad fact that Dulles only seems to have direct flights TO Paris in the evening you will not be here until tomorrow morning."

 

"Why Paris?"

 

"Because it's supposedly the most romantic city in the world and I want to see if it lives up to its name."

 

I had to admit, that in and of itself was pretty damn romantic, "Do the kids know?"

 

"No. I felt it best to keep them in the dark. I didn't even tell your mother until last week via email."

 

"Ok, well you didn't let me pack. What am I supposed to wear?"

 

"Nothing."

 

"Mulder..."

 

"I've taken care of that. All you have to do is get on and off that plane."

 

"In four hours."

 

"I feared if I waited too long you'd wonder where the hell Gretchen and Anne were. By the way, I told them via text yesterday."

 

"That explains why Gretchen was giggling like an idiot when she picked Missy up."

 

"I think she giggles all the time anyway. I think we should give her a sobriety test before she drives the kids."

 

"I'll be sure to remember that." I watched as late arrivers ran by me, "So, what are you doing?"

 

"Counting the minutes until you are here, and counting the dollars on this phone call."

 

"I get it." I sighed, "I'm sick of this London crap."

 

"I'll be back March 1st."

 

"But for how long?"

 

"We'll talk about that later. Just don't forget to get on that plane."

 

"I won't."

 

"I love you."

 

He said it every day and even though I was unsure why, every time it got to me, "I love you too." I replied sensing the tears were trying to make a comeback.

 

The line went dead and Call Ended were the words haunting me. Why did I even get an iPhone? Because it meant I could at least iMessage my overseas husband for free. That was the selling point. Even if I still missed my Blackberry.

 

December 22, 2012 the world was supposed to end. We waited...and it didn't happen. No explosions, no aliens...nothing. Our jobs were to monitor the WORLD in case the date had changed and we just didn't know about it. No movement here, there...but for some reason Mulder was constantly "dispatched" to England to meet with the people over there 'monitoring' Europe.  Sometimes I wondered if it was all for want. Sure, we said we worked for the bureau and got all holidays including Columbus Day off, but we were actually working for a world wide agency...I felt like a spy without the fancy cover story.

 

To kill some time I went through the rest of my bag. I would be leaving Monday afternoon. Seriously TWO DAYS in Paris, and not even full days. My guess is he had too much to do before returning home. Unfortunately, he never told me exactly what he was doing, either he couldn't or didn't want to and I had to respect that. I spent my days looking at tissue samples and blood tests and he never asked what I found - which to this day was absolutely nothing.

 

After playing various mindless games on my phone, eventually check in time had arrived. After that came boarding which was almost instantaneous given I had first glass to which I took full advantage of. Glass of champagne, and another, hoping I could get a good night’s sleep because I intended to take full advantage of my time in Paris and with a man who, even after over twenty years, I still wasn't sick of.

 

Fifty

 

The plane hit the tarmac and as my eyes popped open that was the first thing that jumped into my head. I'm now officially fifty.

 

Even at home it was after midnight and I was still fifty

 

I never asked my mother what time I was actually born, because I didn't think it mattered, so for all I knew on February 23, 1964 at precisely 12:00AM EST Dana Katherine Scully came into the world.

 

What the hell.

 

The flight attendants proceeded to alert everyone that it we had arrived in Paris, France that it was currently four degrees Celsius - thirty nine Fahrenheit - and precisely seven am.

 

Customs was a nightmare. If you have no luggage, are only staying one night and don't know which hotel you're staying at they will hold you in a small room until you spill your guts. Thankfully I had a nice Parisian woman interrogating me and once I told her it was a surprise from my husband for my fiftieth birthday - and she confirmed it on my passport AND Virginia driver's license  - she informed me I did not look my age and to have a happy anniversaire. I quickly grabbed my purse, bag and fled as fast as I could to the pickup area outside baggage claim. More than anything I wanted a shower, but the second I saw the face of the man I hadn't laid eyes on since January 10th, I regained strength in my tired legs and ran to him.

 

Luckily the bags were over my shoulder tightly enough that I didn't drop them as my arms wrapped around his neck so tightly my coat fell to the curbside. I didn't care if I was freezing, tired or jetlagged, I was in Paris with the man I loved and that was all that mattered.

 

As cheesy and pathetic as it sounded, I was happy.

 

"That took longer than I expected." Mulder said as he opened the door to yet another limousine.

 

"I was detained in customs." I said getting into the back of the gas guzzling automobile.

 

"I was afraid that would happen." he replied getting in after me and closing the door, "But they let you go."

 

"Yes." I sighed, "Thankfully."

 

"Good. And because I knew you'd ask I called your mother on my way in, the kids arrived just fine and are being spoiled rotten as always."

 

"Lovely. Right now I just want to burn my clothes."

 

"We'll handle that later." he smirked, "Get some more rest...you're going to need it."

## I couldn't sleep, and as it was the trip from the airport to our hotel was less than an hour. The driver stopped at the Shangri-La Hotel I was shocked and amazed to see the Eiffel Tower staring right at me along as I got out in front of the luxury hotel with a ridiculous name.

## Luckily Mulder had already checked in before I arrived and at the end of the hallway on the seventh floor the door opened to a dead-on view of the that same gorgeous tower.

## I couldn't move. My body froze at the sight of it. Without missing a beat Mulder wrapped his arms around my waist, pulled me against him and said, "Happy Birthday, Dana." before kissing me on the top of my grungy head.

## Taking my left hand he stepped ahead of me, forcing me to walk a few inches before he could close the door behind me.

## "Is it everything you expected?" he asked

## All I could do was nod, "And then some."

## I then took in my surroundings.  Large bed, large flat screen TV, terrace with a dead on view of that metal tower of beauty. Even from the doorway I could tell the bathroom had to be as beautiful as the rest of the room

## "Every little girl’s dream..." I continued as I walked in a daze towards the terrycloth robe which hung in the entry way to the bathroom where I was welcomed with a large deep tub and a bidet.

## Mulder was sitting on the easy chair in the middle of the room waiting for me to exit the bathroom.

## "Does it fit your standards?" he smirked.

## "I'm going to take a bath."

## "Ok..."

## "I'm going to take a long bath."

## "I figured as much..."

## "Where I won't be interrupted by 'who took the remote' or 'the last cookie' or 'who looked at whom funny'. I am going to relax!"

## "Good." he smiled, "I'll be waiting."

## "But I do have one question?"

## "What's that?"

## "Do I have ANY clothes?"

## He merely nodded, "Check the closet, and the dresser."

## Like a child in a candy store I rushed to the closet where I was greeted with dresses, and blouses, and skirts and slacks.

## Channel, Christian Dior and names I didn't recognize, but the clothes were to die for. Shoes to match, mostly black pumps, but there was a knee high three inch heeled set of black boots thrown in there as well.

## The dresser contained La Perla lingerie along with other designer under things I could just picture a man in his early fifties picking out on in the little boutiques of Paris.

## "How?" I asked picking up a lacy black teddy that left little to the imagination.

## "Pay people enough and they will fill closets and dresser drawers before your arrival. Before you ask, yes I picked out everything myself so if you hate any of it well...tough."

## "It's all beautiful, but you know I can't wear this at home."

## "There's a two-piece Victoria's Secret flannel set in the bottom drawer."

## At this point in time all the thank yous in the world wouldn't be enough. I could feel the tears wanting to break free again and it was all I could do to shut the door and run into the bathroom, where a set of lavender bubble bath, salts and shampoo and conditioner awaited me. The man really thought of everything.

## I wasn't even sure how long I had been in the bath before I finally felt the want to get out, and by then the water had become too cold to comfortably relax in. Shockingly enough I never heard the TV come on while I was in there and when I exited wearing the terry cloth robe and a towel over my wet tresses I fully expected to find my husband asleep on the king-size bed. Instead he was on the terrace with two glasses of what I could only assume were mimosas, some croissants and a large bowl of strawberries.

## "You know you can stop." I said walking out to the chilly terrace, "You've already won husband of the year."

## "I'm going for decade." he said picking up a mimosa glass and handing it to me, "And then century."

## Shaking my head I took the glass from him, "You do realize it's freezing out here..."

## "But it's romantic."

## "I appreciate the sentiment, but I'd rather feel my toes."

## Mulder nodded and picked up the tray of food, "E for effort?"

## "Most definitely."

## I didn't remember passing out, but clearly the jetlag, bread, fruit and champagne had gotten to me. When I awoke on the white bedspread my hair was dry and my husband was in different clothes, fully shaved and playing on his tablet at the desk at the end of the room.

## "What time is it?" I asked running my fingers through my long-matted hair.

## Mulder looked at his watch, "Half past noon."

## "Why did you let me sleep so long?"

## "It was only a couple of hours and clearly you needed it." he turned off the tablet and placed it on the table, "Are you still tired?"

## I felt hazy, but not tired, "No." I replied, "I'm sorry I fell asleep."

## "It's your birthday. You can do whatever you want."

## Honestly, all I wanted to do was relax. Even though I was in the most beautiful, romantic city in the world all I really wanted was to lie in bed all day with a good book.

## But I was in freaking Paris; there was more to life than English literature.

## "I assume you have an agenda..." I eyed him as he sat on the wooden chair playing innocent.

## Mulder shrugged, "There's a spa, where you can get a massage or any sort of beauty treatment you want. There's a gym, if working out is what you have in mind..."

## "I was thinking of something outside the hotel?"

## "There's an entire city full of things to do. I tried looking into them, but they either seemed over the top, not good enough, or are currently destroying a bridge with padlock sentiment."

## I nodded, and looked back out at the giant symbol of Paris, "We could always just explore the city?"

## "Would doing it from a horse drawn carriage be too over the top?"

## "Maybe when I was forty-nine." I grinned.

## Mulder nodded, "You get dressed, I'll make the arrangements."

## Generally such tours are scheduled at least three days in advance, but Mulder was able to get them to make an exception - and luckily they had a cancellation - and by two thirty pm we were in the back of a horse drawn carriage with a bottle of more champagne for a ninety minute tour of some of the best parts of Paris. Ok, the touristy parts, and I was only here for less than two days and quite honestly wanted to spend a majority of that time in bed with my husband screaming in passion in ways I haven't been able to in over five years.

## After a brisk, but pleasant and romantic trip by the Eiffel Tower, Arc de Triomphe and Champs Elysées, we arrived back at the hotel by four. No photos taken; mental photographs were all I needed.

## I only had less than two hours before our six pm reservations at Le Jules Verne, an superb hotel on the second level of the Eiffel Tower itself. Mulder wanted us dining while the sun was setting and at this point in the trip I started to wonder if he wrote romance novels on the side. Wearing a sleeveless black satin dress, which went down to my ankles, but had a nice slit up the left side, and matching four-inch black pumps I let Mulder put the matching black sweater over my shoulders before he, in black suit and black tie, led me out of the hotel room to the elevator.

## Wearing two-hundred-dollar lingerie made me feel much sexier than it should have. My hair in ringlets, one unruly strawberry blonde bastard continued to pop into my line of sight. I tried blowing it away, tucking it behind my ear, but it wasn't until Mulder tucked it behind my ear while seeming to intertwine it with other strands that I felt a shiver go from my ear, directly down my spine.... a shiver I hadn't felt in oh so many years...even as the elevator door opened I found myself unable to walk.

## "Are you ok?" he asked after stepping into the elevator, turning and seeing that I hadn't moved an inch.

## "Is it wrong.... for me to want to say to hell with these reservations and just spend the rest of the night in bed screaming out your name in ways I haven't screamed it in years?"

## I could sense his pulse heighten from my words alone, but after a moment he shook his head and said, "No, but we should at least have a decent meal first."

## Fine dining for me lately had been a slew of chain restaurants where my children had a wide selection of dishes to choose from and would still poke at their food. At this fine establishment one had five dishes to choose from. Five. As I perused the menu I began to miss the wide selection at TGI Fridays

## "I know..." Mulder was saying without even having to look up from the menu, "I should have checked the menu first."

## I couldn't help but smile at the fact he knew what I was thinking without even having to ask.

## "Foie gras is just abhorrent." Given it was the first thing on the menu, that was instantly where my mind went.

## "Then don't get it." he replied flatly, "Fish. They have fish."

## I nodded in agreement and closed the menu, "I don't even want to think about how much this is costing us."

## "Don't worry about it." he said closing his own menu as we waited for the server to acknowledge us. "It's not every day I have the chance to spoil you."

## "I appreciate it." I replied, and I did, even if - at the moment - I had a hard time showing it.

## Mulder ordered for us in French, which was much better than mine, and even though I'd heard him speak it many times for many years it still impressed me. Along with our seared turbot and shellfish with seaweed butter, he ordered a 1988 Gerard Bertrand Rivesaltes which the waiter presented to him before opening and filling our glasses.

## "A toast." Mulder said holding up his glass and nodding for me to do the same, which I did, "To the woman who has stood by me, supported me and gave me everything I could ever want - even if I had to wait a really long time to get it. For the last twenty two years you have never given up on me, even if you should have, never turned away or looked back. Thank you, Dana, for being my everything."

## All I could do was nod and clink my glass with his. We sat there in silence for a bit with our twenty-six-year-old glasses of wine and a wondrous view of a setting sun. You can actually be with a person so long you don't feel the need to talk much anymore, as if the other person knows what you're thinking or is so comfortable with you that no words need be spoken. This had been our relationship for the last couple of years, other than talking about the kids our lives had become pretty sedentary. Not the constant jumping on planes to various destinations multiple times a month, seeing things that could never and or would never be explained and the constant possibility of being kidnapped, maimed or killed. We were now desk jockeys, and didn't even carry guns. We had them, but they remained locked away at the office and at home. The first few years after we had William back in our lives were difficult, and he didn't really care for us. He ran away a few times, and given I had an infant child to care for made the situation even harder. His adopted parents were killed in a car accident when he was five and after being in foster care for more than a year we were reunited with him the Christmas of 2008 - a month after my second child was born. He resented her, he resented us - me - for giving him up and we attended many therapy sessions in the last five years. He was better, but he was still angry and I feared he always would be and during those tough times no firearms were allowed in my home. As it was I still kept them locked in a firebox in another safe. If someone were to break in, we'd have a hell of a time getting to our weapons. But that was the price I was willing to pay to protect my son.

## "You've been quiet too long." Mulder said breaking my mental trip down memory lane.

## I nodded and looked at him, "Just thinking of...our life."

## "It's had its moments." he said, "Regrets?"

## "Not one." I smiled and took another sip of wine, I was never a wine connoisseur and couldn't tell the difference between a 1940 Pinot Noir or a box of Franzi, but this stuff was rich and was going right to my head. "When did you get in?" I asked wanting to keep the conversation going.

## "Last night. I wanted to make sure your plane took off before I hopped the train. Just takes a little over five hours to get here where I got some much-needed sleep and I can now admit I did all the shopping last weekend and placed it all nicely and neatly in the drawers and closet. I didn't want to admit that for fear you'd expect the same treatment at home."

## "I think I know you well enough. If a t-shirt left on the bathroom floor set me off that much I would have left you long ago."

## "Good to know I have other attributes worth sticking around for."

## "Very much so." I snickered taking another sip as I tried to wait patiently for my dinner, "You know, I don't feel fifty."

## "I don't feel fifty-two." He picked up his glass and took a sip as well, "I feel eighty."

## We never much talked about it. We didn't want to. Our children were miracles. They were our miracles, but they were different because we were different. I had a metallic chip in the back of my neck that could never be removed for fear of death reminding me every day how different I was from every other person on the street and not one test had shown me I was not alone in this world. Mulder had been experimented on like a lab rat by people thinking they could make themselves immune to the end of the world, then saved by those believed to eventually destroy everything we knew. Nothing happened. Nothing was planned to happen, but it didn't stop me from feeling like some mutant every time I scratched an itch on the back of my neck.

## "William's class is supposed to go on an overnight field trip to Gettysburg next month." I said.

## Mulder nodded, "Are we sure that's ok?"

## I shrugged, "He hasn't hit anyone since enrolling him in the academy."

## Mulder nodded again, "I guess it's ok."

## We tried public school, but that didn't work. Too many kids, and given his history William needed more hands-on teaching. He was smart and became easily bored and disruptive. In the fifth grade, Jason Jenson took his pencil and William gave the kid a black eye. He was expelled. Apparently, the school had a no tolerance policy to which Mulder stated "I would have never gotten through grammar school."

## After that our only choices were private school or boarding school which I was not going to allow. Browne Academy was sadly an hour away, but coincidentally not far from Mulder's old apartment - and even though they knew his history, his grades and aptitude tests got him in. With therapy and weekend family trips to the beach, Kings Dominion and other places around the state - as well as a drive up to New York for a Yankees game he had gotten better. He had become more trusting. He realized we weren't going to leave him on the side of the road. I used the universal 'we' even though it was 'I' who was to blame.

## Since Mulder had been away so much I expected the behavior problems to start again, but being in basketball, baseball and hockey kept him busy - and hockey was a very good way for the boy to get his aggressions out. He was usually beat by the time he arrived home and if anything, I was thankful that after dinner all he wanted to do was his homework and go to bed. I knew Mulder's traveling was for the greater good, but I missed him...his children missed him...and I had trouble sleeping alone.

## Before my mind could depress me any longer our food thankfully arrived and the white fish with seaweed actually looked more appealing than I had initially thought it would.

## The meal was delightful, and rich and ended with a very indulgent dark chocolate croissant which tasted exquisite with the rest of the bottle of wine.

## I was fed, I was inebriated and I was happy. I was living in the moment as we walked back to the hotel hand in hand I felt like a young couple in love, not a married mother of two who had just turned the age my mother was when she first became a grandmother.

## "I want to do the lock thing." I said to my husband

## "What? Why. It's tacky and it's destroying a bridge."

## "But it's romantic and I want to come back twenty years from now when we're old and senile and see if its still there."

## "The bridge might not even be there another five years let alone twenty years."

## "Come on Mulder..."

## He nodded and sighed, "Fine. The one time you want to do something just because everyone else does."

## We purchased a gold lock, with two gold keys and a black Sharpie. We could have gone the traditional route, but instead we simply wrote Mulder & Scully. Because that's who we would forever be to one another.

## Even if he called me Dana a lot more than I was used to lately.

## And cringed every time my mother called him Fox.

## I was still not allowed to call him by his first name, even if it did slip out during certain circumstances.

## We grabbed a cab and under a half moon we walked hand in hand to the bridge, found a spot for our lock and put it in place before each tossing a key in to the Seine. Without missing a beat I wrapped my hands around his neck and pulled his lips to mine. Hard...harder and fuller than I initially intended and as the kiss intensified and his hands found his way to my waist I realized exactly how much I had missed him over the last four weeks. I forced myself to stop and he didn't question, just grabbed my hand and we ran back to the awaiting cab as fast as my four-inch heels would let me.

## In a dark apartment in the first year of the new century I found myself alone and frightened. Frightened over feelings that had been developing for someone who had been my best friend, my partner, the one key person in my life for the last eight years. If I had a cold, he was the first one there with soup. If he was alone on Christmas I made sure he had a place to go. He was the first person I thought of when I woke up in the morning and he last person I thought of before I fell asleep at night and now here I was with a need and desire that terrified me to the core. At that very moment I had two choices. I could go to him, confess my desires and give him my heart, or I could run and keep running for another eight years. Instead I went with my heart and as I lay here now, over a decade later as his fingertips brushed against my skin, and his gentle kisses sent shivers down my spine I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I had made the right choice.

## Morning came much too quickly. The morning sun blinded me as the clock reminded me that the hours I had left here were quickly dwindling. It was only a little after eight in the morning and my flight was leaving at two. I would be back home with my children before the six o'clock news and as much as I missed them, having to wait until Saturday to see my husband again was just too much to bear.

## The expensive dress lay on the floor by the door, next to the shoes and the lingerie that cost more than my father's first car. I took the robe off the hook and put it on, brushing my rats’ nest of a head of hair out of my face before opening the doors to the terrace. The cold air hit like I walked into a freezer, but the tears falling down my face worked as a liquid barrier from the frigid temps. It wasn't that I didn't want to leave this beautiful city; I just didn't want to be apart anymore. I couldn't ask him to quit, the bureau was all he had known for longer than I had known him. He was brilliant and could teach, but it wouldn't give him the same satisfaction. Sure he didn't have the same fulfillment of a record of closed cases, but he went to work every day knowing he was making a difference. At least that's what he told me and truth be told that even though I appreciated the time I spent in pediatric neurology, it was a good change for my own well being to no longer have a child die because I couldn't save it. Regardless of all the ones I had saved, it was those I couldn't that ate away at me. Like a constant reminder of how I couldn't protect my own son.

## "Isn't it freezing out there?" I heard Mulder call out from inside the room.

## I quickly wiped away my tears and took a moment before returning into the much warmer hotel room and closing the doors behind me.

## "You know it was actually in the sixties at home yesterday." Mulder said looking at his phone as I returned to the bed and sat cross-legged at the end of it, watching as he played around on his device.

## He was laughing at something I was unaware of when he looked up at me and his expression instantly saddened, "What's wrong?"

## Apparently, you can wipe the tears away, but the evidence of their existence remains, "I have to leave in six hours."

## He nodded as he turned off the phone and placed it on the nightstand, "I know. I told you it had to be a short trip. Right after I drop you off at the airport at eleven I have to get on a train back to London."

## "I know." I took a deep breath and looked up at the ceiling to prevent the tears from making a return engagement, "I'm just not sure I can do this anymore."

## "Do what?" his voice seemed off, like he was preparing for a fight.

## "It's just too hard managing the kids alone. I know you have to be in London, but you have responsibilities at home and people who love you and miss you and basketball games and tap and piano recitals and you're missing all of it."

## "I know...I know all of this." He took a deep breath as well, "I'm working on it. I promise, but for now this is where I have to be."

## I knew he wouldn't give me the answer I wanted, but I knew the answer I wanted could destroy our relationship. We had been through worse, a lot worse, and at least I knew we could survive this. Somehow.

## "You just...don't have a secret family stashed in London do you?"

## "Like any other woman would put up with me."

## "You have that right." I could finally smile again, "Well, we have a couple hours before I have to pack and we have to go back to our separate lives, we might as well make the most of them."

## "You read my mind."

## Lunch was a quick bite at the airport, Mulder stayed with me until I had to go through security. All of the purchased clothes, minus the ones I was wearing, were packed up in  a new suitcase along with the ones I arrived in - which I still wanted to burn. A lot of the women on our block would be happy as hell to have their husbands gone for four weeks at a time, but they didn't share the special relationship we did. They weren't genetically manipulated mutants as I said in the Valentine's Day card I gave him a year earlier.

## The clock was ticking and soon we would have to part. I finished my salad as slowly as I could before I felt the pressure and just pushed it away. I didn't want to cry again; I didn't want my children to see me broken.

## "It's time." Mulder said standing up and picking up the rest of my salad and taking it to the refuse bin. He sighed and took my new Longchamp bag and then my hand and walked me to the TSA area. He handed me my bag then ran his hands through his hair like he was nervous, but shook it off and kissed me goodbye

## As I walked to security I heard him call my name and I turned.

## "What? I asked walking back to him.

## "Did you really like it here?"

## "Of course I did."

## "The city, the people, the food..."

## "Yes, kind of, a little..."

## "They have really good schools here..."

## "Mulder, what are you getting at?"

## "They want me to move here."

## "Here??"

## Mulder nodded, "Here. France."

## "WHY!"

## "Because I speak the language, I understand the customs...I just wanted to make sure you liked it too."

## Too much was hitting me at once, "You expect us to leave everything we know, EVERYONE we know and just-" I looked down at the floor, shook my head and before I could stop myself I said it.

## "Yes."

I said yes to what exactly? To uprooting my family and moving my children to a country where they knew no one? Where they had no friends, no family other than their parents and didn’t even know the language. Yes. This is exactly what I said yes to and as I sat in seat 3A questioning my mind all I could do was stare out at the night sky and wonder how I was going to break it to my children, or worse to my husband. He was so happy when I said yes, like the weight of the world was lifted off his shoulders. I didn’t even ask him the consequences of saying no if there were any; I just wanted my family together. Apparently, that was only possible if we moved thousands of miles away from the life we once knew.

  
I needed another drink.

  
The same driver, who picked me up from my home not two days earlier, was waiting for me at baggage claim when I arrived back at Dulles. After waiting the customary thirty minutes for my bag to arrive, he carried it for me out to the awaiting limousine and drove me home. My mother’s car was in the driveway when I returned and upon opening the front door I heard a loud-

  
“HAPPY BIRTHDAY!”

  
“That was yesterday.” I said rolling the bag into the house and closing and locking the door behind me.

  
“The kids wanted to do something for you.” My mother said in a stern tone, “What’s wrong?”

  
“Nothing.”

  
“Something clearly is, but you can’t show it around them.”

  
I really didn’t need to be preached to so I simply nodded and walked into the dining room where a large homemade chocolate cake and Happy Birthday Mommy spelled out in white frosting sat in the middle of the dining room table.

  
“Fox said he’d take the kids out shopping on Sunday when he returns home.” Mother continued.

  
All I could do was nod and sarcastically say “Home…”

  
“Blow out the candles, mommy!” Missy urged me as she held tightly to the back of one of the dining chairs and jumped up and down.

  
Nodding I did as my child asked and made a wish, all the candles went out, but I knew my wish wouldn’t come true.

  
“What did you wish for mommy?” Missy asked still in her usual excited tone.

  
I just shook my head, “It doesn’t matter.”

  
I really wasn’t in the mood for chocolate or anything really, “Mom, it’s after midnight where I was and I’m really exhausted. Would you mind watching the kids and putting them to bed, I just really want to lie down.”

  
My mother nodded, “What about the cake?”

  
My daughters face changed dramatically. Her smile turned to a frown and her bright blue eyes began to fill up, “Gramma made it…”

  
“I know she did…I’ll take a piece to bed. You guys can have some after dinner.”

  
“We already ate.” William said as he stood against the wall with his arms crossed, “Without you.”

  
I was not in the mood to fight with him and just nodded as my mother cut a very large piece with the HA, the BIR and the MO on it.

  
I carried my cake and fork to bed and left it on the nightstand as I fell onto the grey comforter face first and let myself sob.

  
“What the hell is wrong with you?” The voice of my mother bellowed out at me  
Even though I hadn’t been able to sleep and was unsure exactly how long I had been lying here I opened my eyes anyway and sat up, “What?”

  
“Your children were happy to see you.”

  
“One was.”

  
“Either way, you hardly looked at them. Why?”

  
I shook my head and turned on the lamp on the nightstand to look at my mother, “I have a lot on my mind.”

  
“Did something happen on your trip?”

  
I nodded, “Yes.”

  
My mother’s face turned quickly from anger to disappointment, “Don’t tell me.”

  
“It’s not what you think.” I sighed and looked up at the ceiling given her brown eyes were piercing my soul, “He wants us to move to France.”  


“The country?”  


“Yes the country!”  


“Well you just can’t do that.”  


“Well I told him we would.”  


I still was looking up, but I heard her approaching me. I expected a 'how could you you’re taking my grandchildren away from me, you’re breaking my heart again' and instead I got, “I understand.”  


“Excuse me?” I asked my eyes now watching her as she sat down on the bed next to me, “You understand?”  


“Of course, I do. You forget we had to move all the time when you were growing up. We had to for your father’s work. I didn’t like it. I didn’t like separating you from your friends, but it’s what we had to do to keep our family whole. Sure, we fought about it, constantly, but in the end, you grew up just fine and with technology these days I can still see the kids every day since Fox got me that phone with the face chatting.”  


For the first time since I said yes, I actually felt like smiling, “Face time.”  


“Either way, I know what you’re going through.”  


“It will be easy with Missy, but William…  
  
“I know…but Bill was pretty thickheaded himself. Don’t you remember when we had to move to San Diego and he ran away for two days.”  


“Oh yes. Those were a couple of fun days.”  


“Not for me. I was worried sick, but eventually he came home and we made it work. That’s the toughest part about being a family – making it work.”  


“But you never had to move overseas, where you don’t know the language.”  


“From what I’ve read, most countries understand English more than we understand other languages. You picked up German quite easily in college, I’m sure you will pick up French in no time, especially with such a patient teacher.”  


“He’s not that patient.”  


“Either way, you will be fine. Just get some sleep. I’ll stay till the kids are in bed.”  


“Thanks mom.”  


“Need to spend as much time with them as I can.”  


“Mom…”  


“When exactly do you have to be there?”  


“Sometime in June, after William is out of school. We wanted to at least give him that.”  


My mother nodded, “We will have to do something fun together before then. All of us.”  


“Sounds like a plan.”  


After a long bath, complete with bubbles, salts and essential oils to keep my mind from spinning out of control I got into my pajamas and crawled into bed hoping to spend some time with another good book. Something trashy that I would be ashamed to read in front of another human being…something that, in the past, would have Fabio on the cover.  


“Mommy…” a little cherub like voice said outside my closed door.  


“Come in.” I said to the little voice.  


The door opened slowly and a little tiny redhead popped through the opening, “Are you sleeping?”  


“No.” I smiled and waved the little one in  


Wearing her long-sleeved pink flannel nightgown and her hair a mess of frizzy dark red curls I dare never cut she slowly walked over to the bed, “Are you mad at me?”  


“No sweetie, why would you ever think that?”  


“You didn’t eat dinner with us.”  


“That’s because I was on an airplane honey, I ate dinner there.”  


“What did you eat?”  


“Fish.”  


She then made the face like she smelled something funny and shook her head, “Fish are icky.”  


“I know they are honey, but why would you think I was mad at you?”  


She shrugged her little shoulders, “I don’t know. William said you were mad and if you’re mad at us then we have to go away.”  


I internally growled. Why did an adolescent have to be such a pain in the ass? Sometimes I wished we just kept him in foster care. Even if I hated myself for thinking that I couldn’t help but wonder if he’d be better off thinking his birth parents were dead.  


“Don’t listen to your brother. He’s just angry and tells untruths sometimes.”  


“He lies.”  


“Well, yeah”  


“That’s what I thought.” She said sounding much more grown up than I wanted her to be. “I feel better now.”  


“Good. Now why don’t you go back to bed and I’ll see you in the morning.”  


“OK mommy.” She walked to the door and after grabbing hold of the handle turned and said “I love you, mommy.”  


“I love you too sweetie.”   


She smiled and exited the room closing the door behind her. I couldn’t help but wonder if I hadn’t been so afraid and just kept my son, if he would be the sweet angel his sister is. I guess I would never know.  


The morning alarm came too quickly. It was Tuesday which meant I had carpool, which also meant a five am wakeup call which I was not ready for. I was able to drag myself out of bed and to the shower and with my hair in a towel and wearing a very thick rose-colored robe I made my way down the circular stairway to the kitchen to brew up a quart of coffee, and breakfast for myself and my children. I was so used to said ritual I could do it in my sleep, but now a terrified thought hit me – what if they don’t like French food.  


I made a mental note to stop and get croissants on the way home.  


Lucas Rosenblanz had a cold – did his mother bother calling or texting me that information before I drove to Reston to pick him up? Of course not. The Wilson twins were fighting over a video game while William was reading a book. I couldn’t see what the book was, but I was glad he was quiet. The drive from the Academy to the office was quiet and it was there I thought about this retched commute and how sadly the only way out of carpool duty was moving three thousand miles away.  


I hated my office. Sure I now took the elevator up instead of down and we actually had big windows with a view – of the parking lot – but I still hated it, especially when I was alone. I was being watched and even though I was well aware of that fact before, for some reason today it just bothered me more so.

  
“Parlez-vous Francais?” Steve Jacobs said as he stood at my door.

  
 I hadn’t even gotten the chance to hang up my coat before I was being harassed in French

  
“How do you know?” I replied tossing my coat on Mulder’s chair – he wasn’t going to need it.

  
“The whole department knows.” He replied entering my office and closing the door, “There was a bet going on if he’d be able to convince you. I lost.”

  
“Good.” I didn’t like him anyway; he was always staring at me like he was studying me; like I was some lab rat in an experiment. In short; he was creepy.

 

"So, you're actually excited about moving to the land of the freedom fry."

 

"You do realize that joke is over a decade old right?"

 

"But it still reigns true, even if they pretend to be our allies. Anyway, I really didn't think you'd cave."

 

"I didn't cave." I said defensively, "And if you don't mind I actually have real work to do unlike some people."

 

"Fine fine...carry on." He said throwing his arms up in defeat.

 

Sadly, I had no idea what Steve did. I was starting to wonder if his job was staring at me.

 

Work consisted of a back log of blood tests and MRI results. Lunch was hunched over my desk with a small green salad without dressing and a caffeine free ice tea - if I wanted to sleep, no caffeine after noon - then off at three to pick up the kids, drop them off at their respected habitats and finally onto my own where I watched my children poke at the macaroni and cheese their mother threw in the oven for forty-five minutes at 425.

 

"When's daddy coming home?" Melissa asked as she pushed the 'tiny tree aka broccoli' around her plate.

  
"Saturday." I replied instead of 'not soon enough'

  
"How long is he actually staying this time?" William added to the conversation

 

"You know I don't know that." I replied wishing I could say 'forever until we all pack up and move to that place the MacCalisters were going when they left their son home alone...not that I wanted to give myself any ideas

 

"Are you getting a divorce?" Melissa asked pulling the little buds off the broccoli and sprinkling them over her macaroni and cheese

 

"No. Why would you ask me that?"

 

"Becky's dad leaves a lot and she said her mommy is getting a divorce."

 

That's because Becky's dad knocked up a waitress at Friendlys ' "Your daddy and I love each other very much. We're not getting a divorce."

 

"So much they've only been married five years." William added with a snarky tone to boot

 

"Six years next week." I corrected him.

 

"Whatever. At least they were married before you were born. I guess that's why you got to stay around."

 

"That's it." I said unable to function anymore with the sound of my pulse banging in my eardrums, "Go to your room"

 

"Gladly." he said pushing his hardly touched plate in front of him and storming up the stairs until the sound of a door slamming shook the house.

 

Unfazed by said tantrum, Melissa picked up her fork and stabbed at her food.

 

"Missy, you made a mess."

 

"No, it's pretty now." She said taking a big bite and smiling up at me.

 

I couldn't help but wonder if broccoli choose soup was invented by a five-year-old.

 

Wednesday came far too early - but since I didn't have to drive carpool I was able to sleep until six before taking the one child to her kindergarten where I got to stay with her and color and paint and learn...everything. I was actually looking forward to a day not spent looking at blood samples.

 

We were highly invested in drawing a photo of our family when the door to the classroom opened and the little girl next to me let out a high pitched "DADDY!" then dropped her crayon and ran away from me.

 

I looked up to see just that. Daddy, scooping the little girl into his arms as she held him tightly around the neck not caring who was watching.

 

Mulder approached me with the little one clung to his neck, smiling the entire time.

 

 "You weren't supposed to be back until Saturday?" I said as he sat cross-legged next to me on the floor, turning the little monkey around and placing her on his lap

 

"There’s a bad winter storm coming so I worked as hard as I could to get here. Besides, I couldn't miss parent’s day! And it's already windy out there."

 

"Well, I'm glad you're here." I said in a high whisper, "Now, draw yourself." I handed him a blue crayon.

 

"Blue, really?"

 

"Missy already took the green for herself. I'm the red goddess here." I said pointing to my crayoned image

 

Mulder nodded, "Who’s the purple guy with horns?"

 

"William." Missy said.

 

"Pretty accurate." I laughed but realized he wasn't laughing with me, "I was kidding."

 

Mulder solemnly nodded, "I know you weren't."

 

Dinner was Chinese food, complete with whining and complaining from the pre-teen and by ten PM I was sound asleep soundly next to the man I loved

 

Until one AM when he woke me up.

 

I turned on the light to see a fully dressed Mulder running his fingers through obviously still wet hair wearing his navy-blue terry cloth robe

 

"Where are you going?" I asked groggily as I tried to focus my eyes, "It's one am!"

 

"It's five in London." He replied walking to the closet and pulling out a white shirt, burgundy pattered tie and black blazer

 

"But not here, just come back to bed, the alarm will be going off at five anyway since it's carpool day."

 

"I'll meet you there." he said going to the dresser and pulling out a pair of boxers and black dress socks.

 

"You're serious."

 

"I have a lot of work to do."

 

"Fine." I said whipping the covers off of my body, "I'll go with you."

 

"No." he replied before he could even untie his robe, "I just have to do something, besides the kids are asleep."

 

For a brief moment I did forget about the underage beings behind two closed doors, "Then we'll all go in. I'll leave for the carpool from the office."

 

"Don't be insane, get your sleep."

 

"What the hell are you up to?"

 

"Nothing."

 

He purposely wasn't looking me in the eye, so I knew something was off, "We're going together." I said through clenched teeth, "If we're moving to France together we're going to the office together."

 

Finally looking me in the eye he sighed and shrugged, "Fine."

 

I'm not sure what compelled me to awaken my children at one thirty in the morning, listen to the whining and the tears and get them dressed and in the car. Missy was out again in her booster seat before we even got out of the neighborhood, while William sulked.

 

There were no guards at this time in the morning, and after parking my Land Rover near the exit door of the parking garage I awakened my daughter and carried her to the elevator as William yawned and sulked.

 

We went to the office where I placed Melissa on the couch with a blanket and let her drift back off to dreamland, the preteen played on his phone as he spun in circles in his father's office chair.

 

"Now, what do you need to do?" I asked questioning both our sanities.

 

Mulder opened one of his office drawers and pulled out a zipped leather billfold then motioned for me to follow him out of the office where I then locked the door behind us just in case a twelve-year-old felt like touring the building.

 

I followed my husband down the hall to Steve "creepy eyes" Jacobs' office. He opened the billfold to reveal lock pickers.

 

"Why do you still have those?" I asked

 

"For instances like this." he replied working on Steve's door until it clicked and he was able to turn the knob. He then smirked and let out a small chuckle, "Didn't think I could still do it."

 

"The question is why and he of all people?"

 

"You'll see." he said turning the knob all the way and pushing the door open.

 

"What about the cameras?" I asked knowing the entire floor was bugged

 

"They don't snap back on till five. Some kind of energy saving option."

 

"Good to know they're environmental." I said following him into the office

 

"But just in case don't turn on the lights." he said looking around the dark office, "He doesn't lock his files."

 

"You still haven't explained why we're here."

 

"I was talking to someone in London about moving to France, and he make a snaky comment about Steve transferring as well. When I asked why would he transfer, Dick – yes, his name is Dick - got this stunned look on his face. Like he said too much. Finally, after convincing him to tell me what the hell he was talking about he brought up the fact that Steve's entire job, his point of being here, is for one reason." he said opening a file cabinet, digging around and finding what he was looking for, handing the file to me. With the lights from the hallway and the computers I could read a name. The name. My name.

 

"You." he said closing the file cabinet.

 

It was a pretty thick file, "I don't want it." I said handing it back to him.

 

"Everything that was done to you is in here. This file is so old it dates back to the day we met!"

 

I shook my head and backed away from the file like it was toxic, "I don't want to know."

 

Even in the darkness I could see the confusion on his face, "But for years...you did..."

 

"And now I don't." I continued emphatically, "You can do whatever you want, I'll be taking my children home."

 

Melissa whined, William continued to sulk and play on the phone I wish we never bought him. We left together and Mulder didn't even try to follow me. The file was at least two inches thick from what I could feel. One would think in this day and age they would go for electronic records, but for some reason my entire history was in a file cabinet not fifty feet from where I sat every day.

 

The kids were back in bed by three, and given the day I was already having I decided to just take a personal day. Even let the kids stay home from school, which meant sending a three am email to the other parents letting them know I would not be doing carpool today. Sure, I was leaving my husband alone at the office without a mode of transportation home - but that's what he got for trying to make me face something I'd rather never see.

 

I'm not exactly sure if I fell back asleep or not, but when I awakened my five-year-old was sitting on the bed playing with the iPad she was not allowed to touch.

 

"Missy - that's mommy's." I said rubbing my eyes and sitting up, "You know you're not supposed to play with it."

 

"I was bored." she said pressing a button that made a cow moo, "You said I could play with it if you were near me."

 

She had a point, "Fine." I sighed, "where's your brother?"

 

"In his room on his computer."

 

"Lovely."

 

"Daddy called." she said, "I know I'm not supposed to answer the phone, but I knew it was him."

 

"Don't start that." I said, this wasn't the first time the child claimed psychic ability and it also wasn't the first time she was right "What did he want?"

 

"He wanted to know if you were ok."

 

"What did you tell him?"

 

"That you were crying."

 

"I wasn't crying."

 

"Yes, you were. I heard you." She turned off the iPad and closed it, "I'm hungry."

 

I nodded and sighed, "Me too."

 

When playing hooky with your two children, what other way to celebrate than ordering a pizza at eleven am. William actually seemed in better spirits as he shoved cheesy goodness down his throat then asked if he could go down to the basement and play PS4. I really didn't care about much at the moment and let him go ahead, Missy wanted to watch tv so I let her waddle off into the living room to do just that. By noon I was bored out of my mind, but that office was the last place I wanted to be.

 

My neck itched - and the sadness sunk in again. Why did he have to go there? What was he trying to prove? If anything, at least I knew why Steve creped me out. It was his job to study me.

 

I read, I surfed, I tossed birds at pigs and by six thirty when I heard a key in the front door I found myself terrified. There was no way he just put the file back, he had to know and knowing that he knew scared me more than not knowing at all.

 

"Daddy!" Melissa screamed running from Ariel  - for the third time today - to her father's open arms as I sat on the couch an angry red bird under my index finger unable to let it go.

 

"No school I take it?" Mulder said carrying her into the living room.

 

"Nope." I said before sliding my finger and tossing that damn bird right at a green pig.

 

"Where's William?"

 

"Shooting zombies downstairs." I said picking up the remote and telling the mute mermaid where she could go. "How'd you get home?"

 

"Carol drove me."

 

"Carol...." I felt my temperature rising. Cute little twenty something assistant with a rack you could hold a car up with, "Fine." seemed to be my answer to everything lately.

 

"Missy, bath time." I said as she played with the remote, obviously wanting that damn fish back on the tv.

 

"I don't wanna!" she whined back, "More Ariel!"

 

"You've watched her three times, you've had enough!" My voice rose higher than I expected it to and watching Melissa drop the remote as her face scrunched up and the tears started destroyed me to the core.

 

Being the super dad he was, Mulder picked her up into his arms where she hid her face in his neck, "I'll take care of it." he said, "Mommy obviously needs some time alone."

 

Mommy obviously needed a stiff drink.

 

Not that I wanted alcohol to be the answer to everything, I did need to calm down and at the moment a quick fix sounded like the best solution. I filled a wine class to the rim and sipped a bit before carrying the glass up to the bedroom, passing by the bathroom in the hall where I heard Part of Your World being belted out by a five year old  - word for word with perfect pitch

 

I groaned and entered my bedroom, walking to the bay window and sitting down amongst the black and grey pillows. This was my spot, where I could look out at the street lamps and try to make myself relax; hoping the sweet nectar of the grape gods would help.

 

"You don't have to take your anger out on her." Mulder said entering the bedroom and closing the door behind him, "She doesn't deserve it."

 

"I know she doesn't." I replied pitifully before finishing off the glass, "I just...why did you have to go there? If I don't need to know, why do you?"

 

"Because I love you. And because everything that happened to you was because of me." He said pulling off his tie and tossing it on top of the dresser before joining me on the window seat, "I had to know what they did to you. What they did to us."

 

"Us?"

 

He pulled a flash drive out of his pocket and handed it to me, "Dick's job was to track me. That's why he always went to London at the same time as I did. And here I thought they kept him for his winning personality. Apparently, he's been watching me since day one."

 

"Day one?"

 

"The day I joined the bureau, while you were still getting straight As and dating your professors."

 

I ignored the last part of his comment, "And when did Steve start to give me the creepy eyes?"

 

"Not till five years ago. Apparently, they really didn't need a specific person 'monitoring' you until you came back - which makes me hate myself for convincing you to do so in the first place."

 

I placed my empty wine glass on the hardwood floor and began to study the flash drive in my hand, "What's on this?"

 

"Everything." he said, "I scanned all the files onto it. Finished yours a good twenty minutes before the asshole arrived for work -much to his dismay I told him you were sick. Kind of liked scaring him like that."

 

"How so?"

 

"You don't get sick anymore, unless you're pregnant, but...yeah."

 

I snorted, "I get headaches all the time."

 

"Stress, fatigue...no illness."

 

"You don't get sick either."

 

He nodded at me then at the bedroom door, "Perfect attendance until today."

 

Now he was going down the road I didn't want to travel, I handed him the flash drive, "No." I said standing up, "I'm going to take a shower, go back to bed, and pretend we never started this conversation."

 

April 14, 2008 - it was a Monday and I had been throwing up since the previous Friday. I had started back at the FBI only two weeks prior, so naturally I blamed the bureau for my illness, but made a doctor’s appointment anyway for that day with a woman who had to have just graduated medical school. My lunch hour was spent sitting on cold butcher block paper being poked and having all available liquids extracted for testing. She said she should have the results by the end of the day, dismissing me with a simple prescription for nausea, which my body naturally rejected along with everything else.

Given my condition, we left the office by three and I was home in my comfy pajamas in bed wishing the world would stop spinning and I could eat like a normal human being again.  I had eventually fallen asleep because when I opened my eyes Mulder was standing by the bed holding my cellphone in his hand just staring at me - a look I couldn't understand and terrified me.

 

"What?" I asked him.

 

"Your doctor called..." he drifted off as if unable to finish the sentence, which instantly caused me to panic, but before I could burst into tears he finished with, "You're pregnant."

 

Seven pounds, eight ounces. Eyes blue, hair auburn. Born at 2:34PM November 22, 2008. Five years later, flash drive in hand rocking in the same chair I nursed her in, watching my little princess sleep. Sometimes her right thumb would find its way into her mouth, but for most of the time I had been watching her she just lay on her back content with her existence. The untamable mane of auburn curls of her mother, the deep-set puppy dog eyes of her father. She was in every way the perfect pieces of both of us. I just wish I understood how.

 

"I thought I'd find you here." Mulder whispered from the doorway still in his pajamas as he closed the door behind him and approached me, "How long have you been in here?"

 

I shrugged, "I lost track of time."

 

"Are you actually going to work today?"

 

"Why bother." I replied sighing heavily feeling there was really no true point, "So Steve can keep track of how many times I use the bathroom?"

 

"Maybe it would have been better if you didn't know."

 

"Maybe. Up till now I was pretty content with my life. I had a husband, two kids, a good job...I didn't have to think too much about this thing in my neck and violent nightmares of drills and painful tests."

 

"It's not like I was on a Disney ride myself."

 

"I know. But that was all in the past." I looked down at the hard-plastic reminder of everything I wanted to forget, "Now here it is, an unwanted memento of the worst times in my life."

 

"You know I didn't do it to hurt you."

 

I nodded, "But even if you didn't tell me, you knew. I assumed you read everything."

 

He nodded. "Yes." his voice was barely a whisper, "I had to know."

 

"Of course, you did. Does it change anything?"

 

"Only further disdain for the people who sign our paychecks."

 

"About me...about her."

 

"Never. On both counts. Before you send your mind on an ill-fated road trip, she's ours. One hundred percent ours."

 

"You're not the one who was in labor for eighteen hours. I'm fully aware she came out of me as did our first child, but the question still remains. How?"

 

"Do I really need to tell you about the birds and the bees?"

 

"You know what I mean."

 

He shook his head, "Not here."

 

As I sat at the kitchen table, cup of hot chamomile tea between my shaking hands, watching the minutes pass on the microwave digital clock, I listened to a story. A story about two people destined to be together, even if it took them nearly a decade to get there. About two people chosen for reasons they weren't even aware of nor had any control over.  Apparently, Mulder being the product of an affair and myself having a recessive hair color gene factored a lot into it - even if the tone of my hair now wasn't exactly the one I was born with. Hearing that I had been studied and researched years before I even met the man who would become my husband made me sick to my stomach. Knowing that they brought us together just to torture us and to manipulate our genes for one singular purpose - perfect children. We weren't alone - which didn't make me feel any better about the situation - and even though he didn't go into great detail about exactly what was done to me, the short of it was my ova was extracted and manipulated to create super soldiers. Emily, and others. He wouldn't tell me exactly how many, probably to spare me further pain, and that the testing of our genetic material started right after my disappearance. Apparently thanks to some testing Mulder had "volunteered" for after he joined the bureau, they already had the necessary material to help create these perfect children, all the while waiting for us to actually do the work ourselves with the manipulated ova that remained in my now picked apart reproductive system; which took a lot longer than they expected or wanted, and in that time, Mulder had been exposed to the black oil, and injected with alien DNA. If anyone else told me this story, I wouldn't have believed a word they said, but after all that I went through with my son - and how many people tried to hurt him and those who tried to save him, I knew this to be true. William's pregnancy was difficult, and painful, and I spent more time in hospitals in those nine months than in the previous thirty-six years of my life. Melissa wasn't easy, the first few months the nausea was so bad I had trouble getting out of bed, but the last two trimesters were fine. As if she found a comfortable position and wasn't moving until it was time to join us. So, I now understood I was never barren - Mulder just assumed I was based on false information given by either uneducated or very confused medical professionals at the time. I think we proved that with William and then seven years later with Melissa. Given the amount of time between both pregnancies, and the fact we weren't exactly abstinent or used protection of any kind because we just assumed I couldn't get pregnant in the first place, I still needed to know how. Beyond the basic "when a man and woman love each other very much..."

 

"The chip." Mulder leaned back in the chair, "It controls a lot more than we realized."

 

"How much more?" I asked sipping my now cold tea and not really wanting to know the answer, but also knowing I needed to know.

 

"It's not a tracker, like we feared, or they would have found us in butt scratch Texas eight years ago. It keeps that tumor from killing you, and controls ovulation."

 

"Controls how? Ovulation is a natural process that happens to child bearing women every twenty-six days or so. How can a chip control that?"

 

"I don't know the complete details, but..." Mulder looked more uncomfortable than he had all night talking about this. Sure, jerking off into a cup you have no problem with, but informing the mother of your children how those children came to be is too much, "it's on a schedule that started when it was re-implanted into you back when you were ill. Apparently, the original did the same, but I guess they destroyed all of that information once you had it removed. Maybe as a fail safe, I'm not quite sure. I'm not sure how true it is, given you still get extremely moody and combative one week out of the month, but the schedule only allows ovulation once every two hundred and eighty-six days."

 

This was science fiction, but sadly everything that had happened to me sounded like it came out of a bad science fiction novel. "My body thinks it's ovulating, but it's not..."

 

"According to the 'schedule' yes. I know how the female body works, very well actually, and even though you may have all the symptoms of ovulation, there's nothing there....except for the scheduled days..." his voice drifted off a bit and he got up, standing behind the kitchen chair and bracing his body against it, "The dates match. Almost exactly nine months give or take a few days."

 

My neck started to itch again, "When's the next date?"

 

He shook his head, "I don't remember."

 

I knew he knew...I could see it in his eyes, "If anything that explains why I've only gotten pregnant twice."

 

He nodded, "Sometimes you get lucky." he shrugged, "But the schedule doesn't stop either."

 

"Mulder, I'm fifty."

 

"I'm well aware of that fact, but think of it this way, you could make it into the Guinness book of world records."

 

He was trying to be funny, but I was mortified, "That's impossible Mulder. The female body is not designed that way. We don't regenerate ova like men can continue to make sperm for the rest of their lives, we are born with a set amount, which we lose throughout our lifetimes until there are none remaining which is when we reach menopause. With how many they took from me, I couldn't have been left with that many which through nature will die as I get older."

 

"But you don't understand, they're not getting any older. You may be fifty on the outside, but in the inside - you're ageless."

 

"Worst come on line ever."

 

"It's not. It's true. You can live forever if you want to."

 

An instant shock went through my body, "Don't say that!"

 

"Why, from everything I've read you're...immortal."

 

And then I threw up.

 

All over my kitchen floor.

 

I didn't bother going into the office. After cleaning the kitchen, Mulder took the kids to school and I stayed in bed. The red flash drive sitting on the nightstand torturing me.

 

Immortal.

 

This wasn't the first time I heard this, not in so many words, and even though I thought the man who told me I would never die was just trying to humor me, his words now haunted my soul. Grabbing the laptop off my desk I shoved the flash drive into the USB port and watched the folders appear before me. Thousands of PDFs with dates.

 

October 1994

 

Subject 0223 - apparently, I had no name, only my date of birth identified me and the numerous tests that looking at now made me sick to my stomach. Ova extraction, ova testing, chromosomal testing...so many tests on a very tiny subject.  Defective gene removal - how was this even possible? As a scientist I was intrigued, as a victim I was mortified. Chromosomal abnormalities were being removed from my ova before they were re-implanted weeks later.

 

I had to sit back and take it all in. Perfect children. When I was a child I was labeled 'gifted' and really had no trouble absorbing new information or retaining it. I received perfect scores from kindergarten on and had no trouble whizzing through medical school as well. Even when I went back for my license in pediatric neurology I finished my studies in record time. I was smart, I was genetic defect free – minus the near sidedness -  but I was born that way. This kind of technology wasn't even thought of in the sixties - or was it. Now I questioned my own damn existence.

 

Then there was Mulder. Smart, genetically imperfection free with the exception of a nose he complained about which I found made him that much more uniquely attractive, grew up like any other kid till his sister disappeared and his life became a mission to find her. She was taken like I was, and even though the reasons aren't clear I'm sure in someone's mind the reasons for both abductions were because of him.

 

There was a spreadsheet labeled Ovulation Schedule which was created a little over twenty-four hours earlier. I opened it. Apparently, he had compiled data and put it into a spreadsheet to track when my body was "scheduled" to ovulate, as if I had no real control over it. Actually, when does a woman ever have true control over her body? Oh, but if we could.

 

The first date on the spreadsheet was 03/07/1998. I was ill the Thanksgiving and Christmas before then, and apparently my 'clock' didn't start ticking until March. The dates continued within an Excel formula that Mulder had obviously created. 04/25/2000 was highlighted as well as 02/23/2008 - those must have been the dates he was saying linked with the births of our children. 02/23/2008 was my forty-fourth birthday, the day after Mulder proposed. Not too surprising that all happened around the same time.

 

04/25/2000 - I had to think....and smile a little. My skin tingled with the memories

 

We had already been together, that first time was magical in and of itself. Not awkward like you expected and even though I panicked and fled before he even woke up, I knew I had opened the book to a story that would never end.

 

We laid ground rules. Stay professional, nothing can change at work. It only took one day for me to break that rule. Even when we would be on assignment, one government paid hotel room would go to waste. It was a very crazy week. Then we went to North Carolina, and everything changed.

 

I knew it wasn't a fling, I knew I loved him before I even walked into his bedroom, but when you see the man you've finally given yourself to, lying in a hospital bed near death things...change. His recovery was spent alone, I felt that was for the best, and the day he returned to work his voice was raspy and he was more distant than I wanted him to be. Sure, he was cracking jokes like he always did, but something had changed and I was terrified that while he lay in a hospital bed trying like hell to breathe, the feelings he had for me vanished. I know now it's because he knew he was dying, and in that time felt he was losing more than his life.

 

How I could remember that specific date - it was a Tuesday - was baffling, but as I stared at it highlighted in yellow in Calibri 12 font on the screen in front of me the memories came flooding back. With a heavy heart I arrived at his apartment with hot tea and hot and sour soup. To this day I remember the fear in my heart knocking on that door, terrified he would turn me away, but he didn't. Only seven pm and he was in a grey t-shirt and baggy flannel pajama bottoms. Antibiotics and steroid filled inhalers covered the coffee table. I myself was still in the same clothes I left the office wearing, and given the rising temperatures my pantyhose felt like a straight jacket.

 

Groundhog Day was paused on the TV -  that movie still to this day gives me the strangest case of Deja vu and I can't figure out why - and he invited me to join him, so I did. He said he wasn't hungry, but opened the soup anyway, and drank the tea - maybe just to humor me - and as I watched Bill Murray walk into the bathroom with a toaster I took a chance and rested my head on his shoulder - he didn't object. After a moment, as Bill now jumped off a bridge, I took his left hand in my right and gently squeezed it, he didn't pull away and by the time I've Got You Babe was heard for the last time, my clothes were on the floor and my body was reacting in tune to Nat King Cole singing Almost Like Being in Love.

 

And apparently, that's when I got pregnant.

 

The rest of the dates I couldn't match to much of anything, some we weren't even together, others were just so sporadic. 06/14/2002 - Mulder was sleeping on cement floor for crimes he didn't commit - 04/19/2005 - I was spending most of my time at the University of Virginia getting my specialist license. I don't think we saw one another let alone touched each other most of that year. 06/08/2007, a patient had died and I wasn't exactly in a Let's Get it On mood. Sadly, this chart of dates made sense. If it was only possible for me to get pregnant every two hundred and sixty days - which I assume included the twelve to twenty-four hours after the ova was released - it made sense that I only had two children.

 

July 21, 2014

 

He highlighted it, and once again, I wanted to throw up.

 

Instead I closed the file, took a shower, got dressed and in my car and drove to work.

 

When I arrived at our office it was empty. The screensaver was going on Mulder's computer and it wasn't even noon so I knew he wasn't at lunch. His blazer hung on the back of his chair and the seat of said chair was cold. He was here somewhere, but going on a hunt for him would be pointless.

 

Instead, I went to work.

 

When I agreed to return to the bureau in 2008 there were a lot of pro and con reasons for doing so. At the time we feared the end of the world in four years, and were being told that we needed to protect the country and its people. First, we had to find all the people worth protecting. Even saying that now makes me ill, but prodigies, geniuses, if the world was going to be taken over by aliens we wanted to protect the best and the brightest. Thankfully not every member of congress fell under said standards. Rock stars, actors - the Kardashians were not royalty when it came down to what mattered - and we were paid handsomely for this service as well as a mortgage free home in a military base guarded piece of land near the boarder of West Virginia. For nearly two months I dug into the lives of over three thousand people before I found out I was pregnant and went on instant maternity leave. By the time I returned when Melissa was seven months old we had narrowed the list down to two hundred people. Some I had never heard of, but had IQs I envied. When December 18th, 2012 rolled around ten percent of the population of the United States went missing. Ten percent. My only saving grace was my entire family got to be included. Underground bunkers had been constructed on each coast and one in Texas. Ours had wings so we never saw the president or his family, but knew they were there. For six days we were underneath nearly half a mile of concrete and magnetite unable to tell our children exactly why. My mother tried to calm Melissa and her constant four-year-old questions, William kept to himself because he was still angry - sadly not much had changed since then - and that thing in the back of my neck was troubling me more and more.  By Christmas day we realized nothing had happened. No aliens, no Armageddon. Nothing.  One by one we went back to our normal lives. The place we had called home for four years was destroyed and with the money we had saved we purchased land in Chantilly and built our dream home with a spacious backyard with pool, four bedrooms and a hundred-foot driveway. Our nearest neighbor was a block away and that's how I wanted it. We went back to work in March of 2013. There was some restructuring, but we had the same office as before and now our jobs were to find people like us. Using data collected from everything from used needles after flu shots, to blood draws, urine and DNA tests, our sole purpose was to find and track potential alien infected beings. We were never told why, and given we had signed indefinite contracts - hell, we thought the world was ending in four years - we were pretty much being forced to track down people who had been tortured in the same way we were, but only in the Mid-Atlantic area. Other divisions in other sectors handled the rest of the country and in the year we had been doing this we found one person. A man named Charles who moved to DC from Russia in 2009. We met with him on a Sunday, he owned a small coffee shop in Georgetown which catered to those who boycotted Starbucks. He was doing well for himself, but seemed suspicious as to why two people from the FBI wanted to meet with him. Charles was in his early fifties, had three boys and a wife. We informed him that he turned up positive on a random search for radioactivity exposure and that a simple injection would take care of it. He seemed hesitant, but also fearful and quickly obliged. His children and wife received the same injection and even though I knew what I was really injecting was a tiny microchip that would latch onto the base of his spine just like the one imbedded in me for the last sixteen years I had to think there was a good reason behind it, even if I hated myself for it at the same time and hoped I would never find another Charles.

 

And today, as I logged into my computer and opened up the latest batch of samples sent to me, I took my cross in my hand, closed my eyes and silently prayed that I'd find nothing.

 

"Someone looks better." Mulder's voice boomed, startling me out of my prayer

 

I forced a smile, "Where were you?" I asked him as he straightened his tie and closed the door behind him before returning to his chair

 

"Receiving bad news." he sighed heavily before looking at me, "We can't wait till June to move."

 

"But why?"

 

"I don't know. We have to leave April 1st. No exceptions."

 

"That's less than a month away!"

 

"I'm aware of how many days are in a month, Scully. I told you I don't have any control over it."

 

"You can still say no can't you?"

He sighed even heavier, "Apparently not. The paperwork has already gone through according to 'them' and there's no way out. Per that contract I wish I could burn. And to think twelve years ago this agency couldn't wait to get rid of me."

 

"That doesn't give us any time to pack, not to mention selling our dream house."

 

"We're not selling the house. The move isn't permanent."

 

He never told me that, "You never-"

 

"I know." he leaned back in his chair and looked at his watch, "I need to get the hell out of here. It's nearly lunch time anyway."

 

As we sat at a small table at the local Italian restaurant that almost served as our second home, Mulder explained that roles had changed and they only needed us on a temporary basis. The dog we were going to get William for his birthday would have to be put on hold due to quarantine. He couldn't say how long we would have to be there, but there would be no need to sell our home.

 

Mulder was pretty quiet the rest of the day. We sat at our desks, looking for irregularities and waited for five o'clock to come. Since we both drove in, Mulder picked up the kids and I picked up dinner. I really wasn't up for cooking.

 

Usually on Friday nights my husband barricaded the door and attacked me like a wild animal, but tonight he sat up in bed with his Sports Illustrated as I sat next to him wondering if all this new-found information made me suddenly undesirable.

 

"July 21st..." I said not looking at him, but wanting some kind of reaction from him.

 

He said nothing

 

"Mulder..."

 

"I heard you."

 

"You highlighted the date."

 

"I didn't think you'd even look at it."

 

"You had to know I eventually would. Mulder..."

 

"It's worth a shot at least, you are a scientist I thought you'd be intrigued."

 

"Babies aren't experiments."

"Ours our."

 

"You know you don't mean that."

 

He nodded and put the magazine down, "I've taken in a lot of information in the last few days, and my brain is still trying to process all of it. At the time I thought, hell it's like being given a magic formula that explains why a woman I was told was barren sixteen years ago, has given birth to two children; at least I was there for one of them, and I thought well - it would be interesting to try to prove the theory."

 

"If we had another baby based on said calculations I'd be fifty-one when it was born, you'd be nearly fifty-four - by the time it graduated high school you would almost be seventy."

 

"Some men aren't even fathers until they're seventy."

 

"You know that's not the point. You really want to bring another child into this world just to prove a theory?"

 

"Third time is generally the charm."

 

"I think two charms are fine Mulder. We have two children - as you call them perfect children and with the exception of the attitude of one, I'm inclined to believe you - and given the world is already over populated as it is I believe we've done our part."

 

"So, it's a no then." He now turned and looked directly at me and not with sadness or anger in his eyes, but what seemed to be hopelessness. "You're just done."

 

"I'm fifty."

 

He nodded and picked up the magazine. "Keep telling yourself that."

 

Weekends in our house were generally spent driving the kids to various lessons. Melissa took tap on Saturdays and ballet on Sundays. William was on the basketball team and had a game on March 1st. I met Mulder at the school a good fifteen minutes before tip off with Melissa in her tights and sneakers. As much as she would have loved to entertain the bleachers full of attendees with her tapping skills, I didn't want to inflict that sound on anyone else, and so the tap shoes were left in the car. I sat next to my husband and placed the wiggly five-year-old on my lap, maybe as some kind of buffer. We hadn't really spoken and would be going out for pizza after the game.  Did I have to really explain to him I wasn't a breeder? That I didn't want to put my body through yet another pregnancy just so he could be right about something? He was taking this way too seriously and given we spent more time together than most married couples did, I refused to spend that time in bitter silence.

 

Moving closer to him I placed my hands around Melissa's tiny waist and placed her on her father's lap. Mulder's head turned to me and his brow furrowed.

 

"Hold her." I said

 

He shrugged then crossed his arms around her chest, holding her against him the way he always did.

 

"Every second, of every day, for nine months."

 

He sighed and his eyes rolled up before turning back to me, "I get your point."

 

"I really don't think you do. I love my children, and if I was twenty years younger hell even ten years younger I'd have no qualms about having another one, but Mulder it's not a cake walk and sure you may say I'm immortal and you may actually believe it, but I'm not. I'm fifty. I may not 'look' fifty, but I feel fifty. There's a reason fifty-year-old women don't have babies."

 

"Fine." he tightened his hold on the squirmier; "Let's just move on."

 

"Good." I sighed even though I knew he didn't know how to move on.

 

Sunday seemed to fly by, there was ballet, then back home watching my husband zone out at the TV as I attempted to start our taxes. Given we would not be in the country April 15th I figured I might as well get them out of the way. Generally, I had them finished in January, but I'd been busy.

 

The routine began again on Monday. Up at five, ten-minute showers, then out the door carpooling for an hour without really talking. As I knew, he hadn't moved on. There really wasn't much I could do about it. My body. My choice. My current nightmare.

 

Subject - Female - 0605-4526 - high iron count, but nothing more than that

Subject - Male - 1208-8542 - low testosterone levels, high blood pressure

 

I was very close to losing my mind

 

"Vampires..." I said out loud as I watched Mulder chew on the inside of his left cheek.

 

"Huh?" Mulder turned and eyeballed me, "Did you just say vampires?"

 

"Vampires. Ghosts. Demonic cloned twins."

 

"Is this a verbal resume you're giving me?"

 

"Mutants, psychics..."

 

"Serial killers, rapists...I see where you're going."

 

"Do you ever miss it?"

 

"Yeah sure. I missed it six years ago and you nearly left me over that fact."

 

"At least I realized I was wrong at the time. And if you recall I was going through a lot of emotional problems at the time myself."

 

"I recall. I also made a choice - you over vampires. So, what are you saying? You want to go back to searching the sewers for Son of Flukeman?"

 

"Not necessarily Flukeman per say, but maybe something a bit more fulfilling than Subject 0907-5642 having high cholesterol."

 

"You know there's a purpose to this."

 

"Which I hate myself for."

 

"We can't exactly quit." Mulder said in a very defeated tone, "If we could I'd have done it a year ago."

 

"Is that why you chose to go to France. A better purpose?"

 

"I never chose to go there."

 

"What did you do there?"

 

"You know I can't tell you."

 

"What will you be doing there?"

 

He shook his head

 

"What will I be doing there?"

 

"What you do best." he said getting up from his chair and locking his computer, "Taking care of people. I'm going to get some water; do you want anything?"

 

I shook my head and watched him leave, then shut the door behind him.

 

My eyes slowly rolling upwards to the camera above my head I scowled at the blinking red light and mouthed, "I fucking hate you all."

 

In 1989 I was just an ordinary girl with dreams of becoming a doctor, when one cold day in January some men approached me about joining the Federal Bureau of Investigation. My initial response was no, I was going to be a doctor, but they gave me a card and told me to call them if I changed my mind. Not a year later while I was applying for residency at various hospitals I found the card at the bottom of my drawer. I can't even remember whose name was on the card, but in that instant, it just felt like fate. Within the week I was in the academy and on March 6, 1992 I was teamed with the man who now sat next to me on Delta flight 7891 to Orlando.

 

"On this day twenty-two years ago, I lay awake in bed terrified and excited about where my life was going." I said looking out the tiny oval window, "I called my sister, talked to her for two hours at one am." I said turning to Mulder who flipped through the Sky Mall catalog, "Full of fear that whomever they partnered me with would hate me."

 

"You were pretty cocky." he smirked.

 

"Touché." I smiled, "And ditto. At least you already knew about me..."

 

"For at least a week, I had to bone up on this person being sent to spy on me."

 

"I never spied on you. Did you ever think we'd make it this far?"

 

Mulder nodded, "I was sure of it." he smiled and looked to the right "Are you sure she's ok over there?"

 

I leaned forward and watched Missy as she colored in her coloring book in the window seat as her brother played on his phone with ear buds in ignoring the world.

 

"She's fine. If she can survive a flight to Disneyworld I'm pretty sure she can survive a flight to France."

 

On Tuesday a truce was made. As surprising as it sounded we could never stay mad at each other for too long regardless of the reason and by Tuesday we agreed to not bring up the baby idea. To completely remove the date from our minds. And even though he agreed to it, I knew he hadn't and I set a reminder on my phone just in case. We also had to make up because we decided to actually spend our anniversary as a family. The dates worked out perfectly given the schools had teacher work days on Thursday and Friday - I didn't recall that many of those in my day - and got a great rate on first class tickets to Orlando for four. More like decades of frequent flier miles being used up now that I felt Melissa was old enough to enjoy it. I was also hoping that a trip to the Magic Kingdom would get William out of his funk; since nothing else was working.

This trip also served another purpose, to spring on our children they would be forced to learn another language. Melissa would be easy to please; the other one...not so much. As I downed my second club soda, I leaned forward to look at him again, just mindlessly playing some game on his phone and ignoring everyone around him. And to think he wasn't even a teenager. Yet.

 

When the plane hit the tarmac at a little before nine, the pre-pubescent one leaped out of his seat as if it was on fire almost hitting the elderly man in front of him making it clear once again how little time he actually wanted to spend with us. After he had passed, I picked my sleeping child out of her seat and handed her off to her father as I worked on picking up the crayons and crackers she had left behind. Half of coach was off the plane by the time I finished and could deplane myself, meeting my family outside the gate where we then made our way to baggage claim, Melissa sound asleep on her father's shoulder. Moments like this did make me long for another one, a thought that quickly escaped my mind when the eldest child announced his phone was dying and he needed to charge it.

 

More whining as we waited for the luggage, then pre-teen temper tantrums of 'five percent' as we waited for the rental car. As soon as we got to the rental SUV, Mulder grabbed the iphone and shoved it into the glove compartment and locked it. I'm pretty sure he really wanted to break the thing, but knew that he'd eventually have to buy another. As much as we didn't think a twelve-year-old needed a phone, sadly in this day and age he did. Not really a smart phone, but he was feeling generous at the time

 

If I had locked the phone away, William would have screamed bloody murder, but he was honestly afraid of his father for reasons I couldn't fathom and it helped in these instances. He quietly got into the backseat, put on his seatbelt and sulked. Missy was still asleep as I strapped her into her boaster seat - only a few more months and hopefully she'd be tall enough to no longer need it - and it wasn't until we were halfway to the hotel that she awakened and cried about being hungry.

 

Dinner was Dennys, and by the time we actually got checked into the hotel it was past eleven. The room had two bedrooms and a living area. We would only be here for five days, but the only other option was two beds in one room and making the kids share a bed wouldn't be the smartest option. The second bedroom had bunk beds, and even though he was grumbling under his breath, William tossed his backpack on the top bunk and climbed up the tiny ladder.

 

"When do I get my phone back?" He asked me.

 

I turned to the man who was rolling the pink Barbie suitcase into the room, "If I had my way never, but not until we go home."

 

"Then what am I supposed to do!"

"Read. Write. Think. I don't much care right now."

 

After William was returned to us, he was quiet. He didn't speak much for the first few months. Then the anger started, mostly towards his sister and me. Mulder was always the buffer, he turned to his father for everything and could get away with almost anything. Even all the times he ran away Mulder took his side. Told me he was fighting demons and he would get through them eventually, but since he had come home from France things had changed. He never yelled at the child, but he was much sterner than I had ever seen him be with William, and began to coddle Melissa more so. Now I could tell his patience was wearing thin and hoped William would get the clue.

 

Somehow, he did and decided to just lay down in the bed and stare at the ceiling. Mulder then helped Missy with her bath - lots and lots of bubbles - before tucking her in. I sat in the queen-sized bed with questionable bedspread and waited for him to return.

 

"Are you feeling alright?" I asked when he finally came to bed, five minutes before midnight.

 

"I'm fine." he said closing and locking the door. "Why do you ask?"

 

"I've just never seen you be so cross with him."

 

Mulder shrugged and got into bed, "He's had it coming. Not sure this trip will change anything, but we've got a lot to deal with in the next few weeks and he really needs to straighten up. I know what it's like to be twelve, shit I had my life fall apart when I was his age, but he really has nothing to complain about and needs to just get over himself."

 

"Did you tell him that?"

 

"I told him to go to bed." Mulder leaned over and turned off the lights, "As should we."

 

I knew there was something going on, but I felt it best not to press him.

 

On March 6, 1992 I walked into an office to meet the man I had been partnered with

On March 6, 2008 I married that man

On March 6, 2014 I woke up in Orlando, Florida wondering where the hell that man was.

 

"Mulder?" I called out as I felt the left side of the bed which was cold, then looked at the clock which read eight thirty-eight.

 

The room was a bit chilly, probably nothing compared to the weather we were getting at home, but I got out of the warm bed on a mission. I went to the other bedroom and it was empty as well. Fear began to take over until I realized an important fact - my wedding ring was gone.

Every year he found a new way to remove it without my knowledge, but most of the time it was while I was in a dead sleep. My hand always felt funny those few hours I was aware it was missing, but this was the first time he'd done it out of town - so I was actually impressed he found a jeweler in Orlando on short notice to add the sixth diamond. Depending on the length of our marriage I'd be sporting a pretty expensive band of gold. I decided to sit on the couch and go through the booklet Disney had sent us along with our four day passes to the kingdom. I hadn't been to Disneyland since the mid seventies and had never been to Disneyworld so it was a new experience for all of us. Mulder said they almost went in 1973 and well....

 

Luckily, I wasn't alone in thought for too long before I heard voices behind the door followed by one man carrying a white paper bag with a handle, a little girl with flowers and a young man with a scowl who quickly went to the other room and slammed the door.

 

"These are you for you, mommy." Melissa said handing me the bouquet of roses.

 

"Thank you, sweetie." I said taking the flowers before I stood up and looked at the man with the white bag, "One day I'm going to catch you..."

 

 He smirked, "I'm too good." he replied before taking the velvet box out of the bag, opening it and placing the slightly heavier ring on my finger. "Until I have to get a second band."

 

"If we last that long." I joked, but noticed he really didn't appreciate the joke this time, "I'm kidding..." I added, but his dour expression didn't change.

 

"We should probably get breakfast before the park gets too crowded." Mulder said to me as he placed the white bag on the front table. "I didn't want to wake you so I'm going to take a quick shower, then we can get going." he said not really looking at me, just walking past me into the other bedroom until I heard the bathroom door close.

 

Missy was staring at me blankly and even though she was only five I knew something was churning in her little mind, "Was daddy upset this morning?" I asked her

 

Missy shook her head, "No, but William said he hated us and daddy got mad."

 

"Then what did daddy do?"

 

"He said shut up."

 

"Anything else?"

 

Missy shook her head, "No."

 

I didn't want to go there, I didn't want to believe my child could read minds as much as her father seemed to believe even if on occasion she scared the hell out of me, so I figured I'd give it a shot, "What did he tell you Missy?"

 

"Don't tell mommy." Missy replied looking down at the floor, "I'm hungry."

 

I nodded, "Just...go to your bed and read. We'll be leaving soon."

 

"Ok." Melissa went to the other bedroom and opened the door, where I could see a stewing child on the top bunk with his arms crossed staring at the ceiling.

 

I was just so lost.

 

The shower was running when I walked into the bathroom and pulled back the curtain, the naked man under the running water looked startled, but didn't exactly object.

 

"Probably not the best timing..." he said his hands working the shampoo through his hair.

 

"Should I be worried when it comes to my son?" I asked not really caring that the water was projecting off of him and onto me.

 

Mulder bit his lip and removed his soapy hands from his hair, "Just come in here, you're letting the cold air in."

 

After closing the bathroom door, I removed my clothing and stepped into the tub, closing the curtain beside me and facing my husband, "Now, answer me."

 

"Worried, no. Concerned. Yes." he said handing me my bottle of shower gel, "Might as well kill two birds."

 

"Two words that essentially mean the same thing."

 

"Essentially, but not in this case. His anger is getting worse, what he's angry about he won't tell me, I know he's told Missy, but she's keeping her mouth shut for reasons I don't even understand. Some kind of sibling solidarity maybe, but judging from personal experience his anger is only going to get worse. He may start striking out, as we've already witnessed with the last school expulsion.  My fear - concern - is that they won't be as patient with him in France; we need to get to the heart of what is bothering him before it's too late and I'm sorry, but I seriously doubt Mickey Mouse is going to solve this problem."

 

I was already into conditioning my hair by the time he was finished, and even though I knew Disneyworld wasn't a magic solution it was at least a hope, "If he ultimately strikes out at anyone it's going to be me."

 

"That's what I'm afraid of."

 

"Then I have to be straight with him. Tell him everything."

 

"I'm not sure that will help."

 

"I have to at least try."

 

I didn't have a degree in psychology, I never lost myself getting into the mind of a serial killer, but as I sat across from my son at an overpriced restaurant inside the Magic Kingdom I was determined to get into his head no matter the consequences.

 

We played a game of face off for about ten minutes. He had a coke, I had an ice tea, and the bill was already giving me a headache. After breakfast, where my son naturally stewed and said nothing beyond what he wanted to eat, Mulder and Melissa went to the teacups and I would text Mulder when we were done. Hopefully with some kind of reconciliation.

 

"How long do I have to sit here?" William asked.

 

"Until we hash this out."

 

"Hash what out?"

 

"Your attitude."

 

"I don't have an attitude." he said with - an attitude.

 

"William, you've had an attitude since you came home five years ago. I know you're angry and expecting an 'I love you' out of you is a long shot, but I honestly can't take this anymore. Just get it out. Whatever you have to say to me, just say it. I know you hate me, I just want to know why."

 

"I don't hate you." he said in a stubborn tone, "I just...why do you hate me?"

 

I was taken aback. Could this be the issue all along? For the last five years could he have simply thought I hated him? All the therapy sessions, why was this never brought up? It could not be this simple.

 

"How could you even think that?" I asked still in such shock I could hardly form the words, "How?"

 

He shrugged and leaned back in the booth, "Because you gave me away. You didn't give Melissa away."

 

"The circumstances were and are completely different. I told you that."

 

"But you never told me why?" his eyes were actually beginning to tear up, "That's all I ever wanted to know."

 

"So, you've been moping around, hitting other kids, treating us like garbage because you just wanted to know why?"

 

He nodded, "Why won't you tell me?"

 

I leaned back as well, "I didn't think you'd understand."

 

"I'm not stupid."

 

"I know you're not." Now came the dilemma, tell him the truth, or make up some lie he'd see right through. He said he was ready to know, but was I?

 

"You're not going to tell me." William sat up, "What did I do wrong?"

 

"You were a baby you didn't do anything wrong." I sighed and looked up at the ceiling, "It's just very hard to put into words."

 

"I can take it." he said before reaching over and taking my hands, "Really mom, I need to know."

 

He said mom. For the last five years he either called me 'what' ' you' or sometimes 'mother' but this was the first time I heard 'mom' come out of his mouth and it was directed at me. So, I had to let it all out.

 

In the course of an hour I essentially spilled my guts. Thankfully my son already knew about the birds and the bees so I didn't have to get graphic, but in the end, I told him what he wanted, what he needed to know. Only what he needed to know. I told him how he was very special, and people wanted to hurt him. How his father had to go into hiding - I felt it best to leave out the abduction, death and subsequent resurrection to keep the child from knowing too much useless information - and even confessed to his kidnapping by a cult. Well, to me they were a cult. In the end I told him how much I loved him, and how much it hurt me to have to send him away. How I had no idea his adoptive parents had been killed and he was being bounced around in foster care, and if I had I would have done whatever I could to get him back. By the time I was finished I had a face full of tears and a frozen in shock twelve-year-old boy in front of me. When we attended therapy so many years ago I only told the therapist I had to give him up because it was too difficult to raise him alone. Looking back, I should have told him the truth then, maybe then I would have saved us a good five years of resentment and silent hate.

 

As I wiped away my tears William picked up his soda and drank a bit of it, he then placed it back on the table and took a deep breath, "I remember..."

 

"What?" I asked as he just stared blankly at me, "What do you remember?"

 

"All of it." he shook his head, "I used to have nightmares, I couldn't make out the faces, but I saw lots of people, and they scared me. It ...all makes sense now."

 

"William you were an infant you couldn't possibly remember any of that. Long term memory does not develop until at least three years old."

 

He shook his head, "I remember. I remember everything." he blinked and looked down, "In the first grade I wrote a story about a boy who had superpowers, and the only thing he wanted to do was stop his mommy from crying." he looked up at me and shook his head, "You cried a lot."

 

I closed my eyes and looked down, "I had a lot to cry about..."

 

"I guess that's what I remembered most. But why couldn't you tell me this before?"

 

"I thought you were too young. We both did."

 

"But no one wants to hurt us now, right? I mean, no one wanted to hurt Melissa."

 

I nodded, "No, we haven't had any of the same threats." I still didn't feel very comfortable telling him this

 

"I'm different, aren't I?"  Now he was going down an entirely different road I wasn't prepared for.

 

"We all are..." I replied without thinking.

 

"Are we aliens?"

 

And now, I was out of answers.

 

Two iced teas and three Cokes later we left the diner and I texted my husband to meet us at the It's a Small World ride. He texted back that they were with Winnie the Pooh and would get to us when they could. Are we aliens? I told him no. He seemed ok with that answer, but I feared it would come up again.

 

"Are we ok now?" I asked him as we stood by the ride.

 

William squinted up at me - all three inches - and nodded, "I guess."

 

"I've told you everything."

 

"I know." He shoved his hands in his pockets, "But I guess I have questions you don't even know the answers to."

 

"That's probably true, but I promise to answer any and all you may have for me."

"I've told you everything."

 

"Good." he actually smiled

 

I wouldn't say everything magically changed that day, but William was a lot less sulky, smiled a bit, but seemed more lost in thought than anything else; it beat hearing him whine about his phone. By the time we left the kingdom, after the fireworks, both children were tired and after bathing fell right into a dead sleep.

 

"Whatever you said to him seemed to have helped." Mulder said as he tiredly changed into his pajamas as I did the same, leaving clothes on the floor and feeling too exhausted to care.

 

"I just told him the truth."

 

"The entire truth?" Mulder asked in a cautious tone as we got into bed, "Everything?"

 

"I left out a good chunk, I really didn't think he needed to know everything that happened to you or me, but essentially told him he was special, so special that people wanted to hurt him and that's why I had to send him away. In the end he seemed pretty satisfied; he actually claimed he remembered it all."

 

"Remembered what happened to him? This all happened before he was even a year old."

 

"I know." I shrugged, "Let him believe it if he wants, at least I was able to confirm whatever was going on in his mind and maybe that helped."

 

"Maybe." Mulder reached over to turn off the light.

 

"Then he asked if we were aliens." I said just as the room went dark

 

The light turned back on a second later.

 

"Why would he ask that?" Mulder wasn't joking. He actually sounded more serious than I had heard him in a long time, "Did you lead him to believe something?"

 

"Never. Not one bit. Even with the kidnapping and the cult I just told him that he was taken by a religious cult. Nothing to do with aliens at all."

 

"Then why would he ask that?"

 

"I didn't ask him."

 

Mulder sighed and shook his head, "I'll deal with it tomorrow."

 

"I'm sure he will forget about it by then."

 

"I'm sure he won't." Mulder said before the room went dark again.

 

Regardless of how exhausted I was, sleep wasn't coming and I knew I wasn't alone because in the short time I was asleep someone had left the bed. I found him in the main room on his laptop, the light from the screen being the only light visible as he sat at the table typing away.

 

"What time is it?" I asked him as my eyes adjusted to the tiny - yet bright - light.

 

"Two fifteen." Mulder replied, "Go back to bed."

 

"I can't." I replied sitting in the chair across from him, "I need this six foot weight next to me."

 

Mulder smirked, "I just had to look up something."

 

"What, or is it something else you can't tell me."

 

He shrugged, "Just looking through his school records, seeing if the alien thing ever came up."

 

"Why are you making such a big deal out of this?"

 

"Because if he says it to the wrong person or someone overhears him saying it, we could run into the same problem you ran into twelve years ago. The wrong person thinking he is something he isn't. We're not aliens, he's not an alien, but there are still people out there who could believe he is."

 

"I thought you said there wasn't an issue with that anymore. You told me five years ago we didn't have to worry anymore!" My heart began to pound, my throat began to swell, the tears began to fall - this wasn't happening; not again.

 

He shook his head and closed the computer, "Let's go back to bed."

 

"You can't say all that and expect me to forget it." I said as my heart attempted to beat out of my chest.

 

"I don't, I'd just rather tell you behind two sets of doors instead of one."

 

I didn't sleep at all that night after that moment. In all honesty I wished we had a mini-bar after what Mulder told me. While in London, he uncovered information he shouldn't have. Information he was locked out from but, "stumbled upon' I questioned his stumbling. William's adoptive parents didn't just die in a car accident they were murdered. William was in the car. He wasn't hurt, not a scratch, and that's when he was 'tagged' the same way we had been tagging people since we returned to the bureau. William didn't know, he was only a child, but he was tagged like so many other children had been tagged. Mulder found a database full of them. From all over the world. When he returned from London he verified the information, and felt sickened. It's why he had been so moody, why he didn't want to touch me, it wasn't because of me; he was just too disgusted with everything. We were mice in a never ending experiment. Sure, the world wasn't taken over by aliens as we had feared, but every day we were still jumping through hoops for that hunk of cheese.

 

"Where is it?" I asked, my neck suddenly itching, "The tag?"

 

"Same place." Mulder said, "But now that they do it with a needle and not a scalpel, it doesn't leave much of a scar. Just looks like a freckle, probably why you didn't notice."

 

"Melissa?"

 

"No." Mulder said quickly, "She's the only one of us untouched by those bastards and I'd like to keep it that way. She will need vaccinations before we go, but you can give her those."

 

"Mulder..."

 

"You're the only one I trust our children with now." Mulder looked so defeated, "I'm terrified to even send her to school given the circumstances."

 

"She's safe there. They have security, and if she's been safe this long-"

 

"I just think it's best if we pull her out. She can stay with us all day. All she does in kindergarten is read, color, write - I'm sure we can handle that."

 

I nodded, "Fine." I really couldn't argue with a man who looked so broken, "Is this why you've been so stern to William?"

 

"No, it's not his fault. I was just upset over what I knew and his general attitude. Like I said, telling him most of the truth - the minimum he needs to know - did seem to help at least, so maybe he won't be such a problem anymore. I don't believe that we have to worry about black helicopters because they would have shown up by now, but with the tag, and his history I think its best we quash the alien thing now."

 

I nodded, "I understand. As it was I only told you because I thought it interesting, I didn't realize the implications."

 

"I know." he yawned looking at the window, "The sun is coming up."

 

"Of course it is." I yawned in return, "And now we're supposed to manage two kids and crowds on no sleep."

 

"I assume that's why Red Bull was invented."

 

I lived a life of no regrets. In my fifty years on this planet I'd lost my father, my sister, my reproductive freedom, seen things I couldn't explain or expect anyone else to believe and even though I had fleeting moments of screaming and doing all I could to run away from it all, I never quit. I never gave up. I was a fighter; I would remain a fighter, even if the defeating voices in my head were trying to make me think otherwise.

 

For four days we gave our children what all children should have; happiness. They had breakfast with Mickey and Minnie, posed for pictures with Donald and Goofy, and my five year old daughter got to be Cinderella for a day. Complete with ballgown, tiara and glass slippers. Money was no object on this trip, so much so when on the last night we told them we had to move away for a while they didn't even notice. It wasn't until we had gotten home the night of the ninth that William entered our bedroom and made the obvious point.

 

"I don't know French." He said, "What if people laugh at me?"

 

"You'll learn it." Mulder said as we sat in bed looking at the boy, "It's not as hard as you would think. There's an app for your phone, which you will get back tomorrow after school."

 

William nodded, "I guess I'm just scared."

 

"We all are." I added, "Now get to sleep."

 

William nodded and left the room. The women's magazine I was trying to show some interest in was leaving me flat. How to achieve the perfect orgasm was the last thing on my mind.

 

"Tell two kids they have to leave their friends and they don't even bat an eye." I said flipping pages of beautiful airbrushed models

 

"Kids are easily adaptable."

 

"William said he doesn't even have friends."

 

"Neither did I at his age. Not many."

 

"And look how you turned out." I smirked, "But seriously. In three weeks we're leaving everything and everyone we know."

 

"Are you saying you can't do it?"

 

"Of course not. As you recall twelve years ago I did that very thing. I guess I thought we were done running."

 

"We're not running from anything."

 

"It feels like we are."

 

"Please don't think about it that way. There's a lot I can handle, but you with regrets is one thing I cannot."

 

"No regrets." I said quickly before tossing the magazine in the nightstand drawer, "Not one."

 

"You're lying." He said softly, watching me, judging me, trying to read my mind.

 

"You're right." I placed my hand on his bare chest, "I regret not trusting my heart a lot sooner." I said as my hand slowly ran down his firm abdomen, "Now…lock the door."

 

With car pool cancelled for good, I didn't have to wake up at five am which gave me an extra hour of sleep which I traded in for quality time with the man I loved. Which lead to more quality time in the shower and the desire to call in sick, but unfortunately today my five year old daughter would be with us at all times. The school wasn't happy about the decision, they also weren't happy to learn we were moving to Europe. Melissa had many friends, this would be devastating, but the little cherub would probably adjust better and faster than the rest of us. It was in her nature. It riddled me sometimes that a child born to those who trusted no one, trusted everyone; which would be devastating in the wrong hands and also made me realize why Mulder was so protective now of his only daughter, his only untouched child. We helped her clean out her cubby, say goodbye to her friends and even though they cried, my baby girl did not. She hugged her best friend Annie and as Annie cried buckets of tears Melissa simply hugged her tighter and told her she loved her. Even the teacher, Ms. Darcy, seemed heartbroken watching us leave the classroom as Missy held each of our hands. She was a tough little girl, I only feared one day she'd break.

 

As I sat at my desk I paid more attention to the little girl sitting on her knees on the floor as she worked on her workbooks. Three weeks. Was that too long to be away from kids your own age?

 

"She's fine." The man to my right informed me, "Get back to your own work."

 

"She's always fine. The only time I ever saw her cry was when I turned off The Little Mermaid."

 

"Just keep Frozen out of the house." Mulder added, "Let her stick to loving the mermaid."

 

"She didn't even like it." I added given she had already seen it on a class trip, "Even at five she has discriminating taste."

 

"It's in the genes." Mulder smirked then his face fell, "Dammit."

 

I looked at my own screen based on his reaction and sure enough another Charlie. In Georgetown. Nothing killed our day more than finding one of us.

 

Mulder leaned back in his chair and tossed a pen at the screen, his own way of weaning himself off the pencils in the ceiling stress relief. "Three more weeks…" he mumbled before standing up and putting on his coat, "Get the kit."

 

When I decided I wanted to become a doctor it was based on the simple notion that I wanted to help people. To cure the ill, to ease the suffering of the dying, I never thought it would be spent injecting microchips into innocent people. It was days like today that my wine cork collection skyrocketed.

 

We never spoke on the drive. Both of us too angry with the situation we found ourselves in to have any kind of innocent conversation, but for this trip we had a five year old in the backseat singing a song she made up about the trees and the buildings we were passing on the road. It's almost as if she could sense our stress and was trying to diminish it, but sadly even my daughter's sweet voice couldn't stop the pain in my chest.

 

We arrived at the brownstone by two and after this would be going back to work to catalog this poor person, then straight home because the entire day was now shot to hell. I grabbed my bag and Mulder grabbed our child, hoping maybe she would make the job a little easier to bear.

 

Melissa sat on her father's hip quietly as I knocked on the door, and waited. The door opened and woman not much younger than myself with red hair stood before me. Her eyes widened at the sight of me and she slammed the door shut.

 

"Are we that intimidating?" Mulder asked securing the five year old on his hip.

 

I shrugged, "What's the protocol on door slamming?"

 

"I'm not sure…" he said, "Try again."

 

I did just that. After a moment the door opened again and this time a young girl - also with red hair – stood before me. She wasn't much shorter than me and looked at both of us before stepping back and opening the door more, "Please, come in." she said softly.

 

We walked into the dark home, curtains drawn, no TV, no computer, just a woman on the couch with her arms crossed rocking back and forth and boxes stacked floor to ceiling.

 

"My mom doesn't talk much." The young girl said, "But she said to let you in."

 

"What's wrong with her?" I asked watching the woman who kept her eyes on the floor.

 

"Depression. Bipolar. You name it. She's on lots of medication. She had to get a blood test the other day because they were afraid the medication wasn't working anymore. I haven't seen her this bad in a while."

 

There was no way I could inject something into this woman who was clearly too on the edge, "We'll come back another time." I said preparing to turn, but Mulder grabbed my arm.

 

"We can't." He said softly to me, "She knows why we're here."

 

"Mulder look at her! I doubt she even knows what planet she's on."

 

"Joy, go to your room." The woman said as she continued to rock, "Now."

 

The girl nodded and turned walking up a flight of stairs. Once there was the sound of a closing door the shaking stopped and the woman on the couch looked directly at me, "I know why you're here, Dana."

 

"How do you know my name…" I asked a bit terrified

 

She stood up and approached me, her arms still crossed, "You got my husband killed, or don't you remember."

 

I honestly didn't, all I could do was shake my head, "No…I'm sorry."

 

She chuckled a bit and looked at the ceiling, "Look, I know what I am. I know what was done to me. Every anti-depressant in the world can't change that. I know you have a needle in your bag and you're going to inject a microchip into my neck, but you don't have to. I already have one." She said turning around and pulling up her hair to reveal a scar on the back of her neck I had seen many times.

 

I looked to Mulder who looked just as shocked as I was, "Then…"

 

"Why did you come here?" She said turning back to us, "Because I had my blood tested. Again. Just to see if I set off any kind of 'alert' I was already suspicious when I was told my company wanted me to move to France."

 

"What…" Was all that came out of my mouth, France. Why was she going to France? I turned to my husband, "What's going on here?"

 

Mulder shook his head, "I honestly don't know."

 

"Sure you don't." She said to Mulder before turning to me, "I thought you were smarter than this Dana. To let them make you believe they're sending you there for any other reason."

 

"I have no idea what you're talking about." I said to this woman rambling off nonsense.

 

"They're done with us. It's simple. They're sending us there to kill us. All of us. Even you."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I wanted to throw up, but the fear coursing through my body wouldn’t allow it. Once we sat down with Patricia Jones she explained why she knew me, that she and her husband had contacted me through not so polite ways back in 2002. After a bit I did recall my experience with her, and watching her husband die in front of me among other events that transpired I’d like to erase from my memory. Patty wasn’t afraid to talk about this, or anything, because she knew she was safe at home. No TV or working electricity and they ate all meals out of the home. She even kept the curtains drawn and knew there were no recording devices in the house. Four years ago, when packing to move from her home in Maryland, she found a locked storage box in the closet of her residence. Inside were detailed notes her husband had kept. Information he had discovered that he wanted to keep safe just in case. It said that if the alien colonization did not occur at the end of 2012, that the ‘merchandise’ would be disposed of. All proof of the experiments done to women, all products of those experiments. Men. Women. Children. All would be ‘disposed of.’

 

She didn’t know where, but was ready. She was in the tunnels with all of us, holding her scared daughter and waiting. Once they were released like the rest of us she went home and prepared. Prepared to be eliminated. She cancelled cable, sold all electronic equipment and daily checked her house for any kind of recording devices. Her husband told her how, and where. Mostly light fixtures, which she had removed. She didn’t trust anyone to ever come into her home and even when she was gone had a special powder/spray and backlight to check for any kind of disturbance. She told us not to trust our home, which even though we had it built to our specifications that even the cable man could have been ‘one of them.’ I had reasons to believe her, especially after she said her husband was asked to keep a VHS copy of us. Together. From many years earlier. She said she still had it and didn’t want it to fall into the wrong hands. For the last year she waited, until after the New Year when the advertising firm she worked for said she had been reassigned to their division in France. Even though the firm did have a division in Paris, she found it hard to believe that she of all people would be sent there. The company would pay her for her move, and pay her handsomely once she arrived. That’s when she got suspicious. She was a very good employee, but paid only sixty thousand a year compared to her fellow associates and didn’t even receive bad attitude from her co-workers once she was chosen to move overseas. Knowing it was coming she packed up anyway and would be moving the next weekend, which is why the day before she had her blood drawn at her doctor’s office stating that the medication he had put her on made her feel anemic. She knew the words to use, that would get her sample flagged and sent to us. Everything was planned out. We were part of the game, and now they were done with us.

 

Mulder asked her to keep doing what she was doing, to move as intended, and he would make sure nothing happened to her and her daughter. She said she trusted him, that of all people she knew she could trust us, and then before leaving gave us the videotape.

 

I wanted to believe him as well, but there was a nagging feeling in my stomach that for all the suffering they had put us through that they really were finally ready to put an end to all of it. For good.

 

We went back to work. Missy went back to her workbooks given she had no true idea what Patty had told us. Mulder noted in the file that the subject had been injected – Patty let us do it to keep our records accurate and prevent any further suspicion on her part. In the car we didn’t speak, but I knew what Mulder was thinking anyway. We had to go back to normal, to pretend we knew nothing about what was happening. What was going to happen to all of us. After work we picked up William and drove to my mother’s, asking her to watch the kids, that we had to talk in private without them. Mulder didn’t trust anyone else with Missy, but for an hour or so he hoped he could trust the woman who raised me.

 

 The sun had set by the time we got to a deserted park where we left the car and walked twenty feet into the woods where streams, birds and other wildlife would keep any kind of true recording devices from hearing us. We didn’t know if we were being recorded, we just didn’t want to find out the outcome if we were; not that what we were facing was any better.

 

“What exactly did they tell you?” I asked, my arms crossed due to the cold and the frustration, “You have to tell me now.”

 

Mulder nodded, “They said they were tagging for good reasons. I should have known they were full of shit, but I had to believe them. My job in London was to categorize subjects by age, race, and gender from all over the world. The man they had doing it passed away right before I was transferred there and they didn’t have anyone else with enough knowledge. Or at least that’s what they told me. You have no idea how many people there are like us all out there, Dana. Like William. Like…Emily.”

 

“You found more girls like Emily. Exactly like Emily?”

 

He nodded, “Yes.” He said bluntly, “All girls, with the exact same DNA profile. By now I basically have it memorized.”

 

“Because it’s us.”

 

“Exactly. I knew I wouldn’t be in London much longer because I was running out of subjects to categorize and I think they purposely didn’t give us specific files because of who we are. Think about it, even Charlie knew us when we met him, even if we didn’t specifically remember him, and with Patty today. About the same time Patty said she was told to transfer was when they told me we would be moving to France. They never asked, they just said we would be. When I asked why the simple answer was ‘because we said so’ when I asked what I would be doing they said ‘what we tell you to.’ This is not why I came back here and I felt guilty for convincing you to come back as well. If I could I would just pack up the UHall and drive us all back to that little house in Strassburg. Never leave again.”

 

  
”In the end you know we still wouldn’t be safe. I’m starting to wonder if we ever were.”

 

“I realized in those six years they just didn’t need to worry. If colonization happened we’d be taken care of that way, if not they’d find a way to deal with us in their own way. I just didn’t realize they’d use the most beautiful city in the world to do it.”

 

“But it doesn’t make sense. You said you came upon thousands of subjects of people like us. You can’t just dispose of thousands of people and get away with it.”

 

“Hitler did. Millions. What do you think all the tagging was for?”

 

“And we were part of it.” I said leaning against a tree, “This cannot be happening.”

 

“But we know. Now, we know. And we can stop it.”

 

“Stop the murder of thousands of people. Us?” I didn’t want to laugh, but it came out anyway, “You’re not a superhero.”

 

“And this isn’t a comic book. This is happening, and we can’t let it. I don’t know how yet, but I’ll think of something; we will just have to go back to normal for the next three weeks. I seriously doubt they will have all of us enter the country at the same time, that in and of itself can look suspicious to the government and the fact that Patty and her daughter are moving this weekend is a sign they are staggering it. We don’t have a definite date, and according to Patty their plan was to have it happen slowly as to not draw suspicion. We will just have to be very careful once we get there, never let the kids out of our sight. I think for now, we’re safe, but once we step on that plane…”

 

I nodded. He didn’t have to finish the sentence, “I’m not sure I can do this.”

 

“You can do anything.” He placed his hands on my shoulders and squeezed them gently, “And once it’s over, and we’re safe, we’re getting the hell away from all of this. Find some small town in the corner of nowhere with a population of fifty. You can open some small clinic, I’ll teach or write or both and we will never ever look back. The kids will be happy, we will be happy and we never have to be scared again.”

 

“You really believe that?”

 

“I do. Because I believe in us. What do you think has kept me going the last twenty something years?”

 

The tears that had been on the surface finally came out. I rested my head against Mulder’s chest and just let them come out. I had to be strong. Not just for Mulder and my children, but for myself. I was a fighter. They would not win.

 

 

Three weeks went by like three hours. By Tuesday, April 1st, the house was packed up and even though we were only taking a few items with us for the ‘move’ we knew we were never coming back here. Photo albums and everything that meant something were shipped to my mother. I told her just in case of a house fire or robbery. I couldn’t tell her the truth. Even Skinner was in the dark and we had to keep him there for his own protection. Naturally we didn’t tell the kids, even though Melissa had been present when Patty told us everything, we knew she didn’t understand any of the information being told and left it at that. If the child could read minds – which I still doubted – she would know what was going on anyway. We had a direct flight – that was nice of them at least – first class – an added bonus – and on the flight I sat next to William and Mulder sat next to Melissa. Us on the isle, the children by the window; we were in complete protective mode and no one was getting to them without a fight. Even on Delta flight 5698.

 

There was a driver waiting for us when we arrived, which is what we expected. He was a nice man, very French, and drove us to yet another gated community a good hour outside of the city. There was a woman waiting for us at the gate of said community, who walked us to a townhouse at the end of a lot of fifteen homes forming a cul-de-sac. In the back of my mind I pictured a gas line exploding and taking out all fifteen homes. Fifteen families. That would be a nice easy accident.

 

The woman – her name was Celeste and she had no accent – unlocked the front door which opened to a nicely furnished home that even smelled brand new. Mulder held Missy tightly on his hip, but she whined that she wanted down. I’m sure if it wasn’t frowned upon, Mulder would put his daughter on a leash.

 

Celeste was eyeballing him as Missy cried to be let down. I eventually eyeballed him myself and nodded for him to do so. If this woman who looked to be close to sixty tried to take my daughter I’d be able to take her down. Even in four inch heels.

 

Mulder finally did let the little girl in the pink frilly dress – her choice – down. She then asked where the potty was. Celeste welcomed to show her, but feeling as overprotective as my husband I grabbed her little hand and said I needed to know as well. Celeste didn’t seem too taken aback by this, simply walked two feet, opened a door and turned on a light revealing a small half bathroom where I then thanked her and entered the bathroom closing and locking the door behind me.

 

Don’t look too paranoid, Dana. I told myself, and felt my husband saying the same thing to me.

 

When Missy was finished with her business, we left the bathroom and by then Celeste had left and the front door was locked and Mulder stood by the window with a blue folder.

 

“Where’s William?” I asked unable to let go of my daughter’s hand.

 

“Upstairs, he wanted to see his room.”

 

“What’s in the folder?” I asked him.

 

“Keys to a car in the garage as well as directions to the medical center we are instructed to go to tomorrow. Looks to be about ten kilometers away.”

 

“And the kids?”

 

“A school next to the medical center. All ages. All nationalities.” He said in almost a robotic very monotone way “There’s even a uniform.”

 

“I’d throw up if I had anything to throw up.”

 

“Me too.” He eyed me given we had to be very careful what we said. “We’ll be fine.”

 

“I know.” I lied to him, myself and whoever else was listening in.

 

“UGH!” I heard very loudly from above before what sounded like a heard of elephants coming down the stairs, “What’s this?” William asked presenting me with a navy blue blazer with matching pants and white dress shirt on a hanger.

 

“Uniform.” I replied.

 

“For what!”

 

“Your new school.”

 

He groaned again, “I’ll look like a dweeb!”

 

“But you won’t be the only one.” Mulder replied closing the folder and tossing it on the kitchen island, “I know I need to keep my mind sharp, but I could really use a drink.”

 

“Dad!” William continued to whine, “This isn’t my style.”

 

“I’m pretty sure that’s the point.” Mulder looked up at the ceiling, his eyes panning for suspicious looking light fixtures, “Just hang it back up in the closet, we’ll go find something for dinner.”

 

The black FIAT in the garage had twenty kilometers on it; twenty. We crammed into it and left the cul-de-sac in search of a market which was  supposed to be near the medical center we were directed to go to first thing in the morning. The school was only a few blocks away as well. Everything was conveniently close. Too conveniently close. The nausea was never going to end.

 

Even as I walked down the isles of the small market I felt eyes upon me. Cameras watching me, listening to me, this was one of those moments when being able to speak telepathically would be beneficial.

 

There were dozens of people milling around the market, most speaking in French, no one I recognized and by the time we left with four bags of various food items I started to wonder if maybe Patty was being overly paranoid.

 

I wanted to relax, I needed to relax, if I didn’t I’d go insane. Mulder whipped up a quick batch of spaghetti with fresh spinach, onion and garlic – if anything those six years in Strassburg he learned how to cook like a master chef – and fresh garlic bread as I opened a bottle of Merlot and did all I could not to drink the entire bottle. Sharp, like Mulder said.

 

During dinner the kids asked about their new school, and we couldn’t tell them much given we knew nothing. Even though we had to stick to the schedule I was terrified to send them there fearing what could happen. I needed to have faith because right now it’s all I had.

 

By ten pm the kids were in their new beds and I lay in the king size cherrywood behemoth which still smelled like the forest they cut the wood from. Mulder spent far too long in the bathroom and after a good ten minutes I knew what he was doing.

 

“Did you take everything apart yet?” I asked standing in the doorway watching as he replaced the light fixture above the sink.

 

“Nothing.” He replied pulling me into the small room and closing the door behind me, “There’s nothing in here.”

 

“You checked everything?”

 

“Down to the toothbrush holder.”

 

“Won’t that look suspicious?”

 

“Not if they can’t see me doing it. I feared the closet would be the only place we could really talk or…”

 

He didn’t have to finish given a certain video tape I had locked away, “I know” I took in the size of the bathroom – and the tub, “I apologize if I’m not exactly in the mood.”

 

“I didn’t expect you to be I just wanted a safe room. I still don’t have a plan, but hopefully I’ll learn more tomorrow and can start to figure one out.”

 

“I’m afraid I’m not going to be able to sleep much.”

 

“You need to. We need to.” Mulder opened the medicine cabinet and handed me a pill bottle, “I got this before we left.”

 

“Ambien?”

 

“It’s worth a shot at least. I know you’re not big on drugs, but it’s better than staring at the walls fearing the worst.”

 

I nodded and rolled the bottle between my hands, "Maybe we should have just run..."

 

"Not with two kids.." Mulder leaned against the sink, "Your hands are shaking."

 

"I know they are." Of course I knew they were. There wasn't a bone in my body that wasn't shaking. Even my toes were shaking. "It's what happens when you're terrified, but for some strange reason you seem calm as a cucumber. Why the hell is that?"

 

Mulder shrugged, "Maybe because I already took an Ambien, or maybe because after so many years of this I've reached the pinnacle of...fuck it. They're not taking me or those I love without a fight."

 

"But what about Missy. You didn't want her out of our sight."

 

Mulder nodded and picked up his glasses, handing them to me, "Put them on."

 

Confused I did as he asked, "They're just glass.." I said realizing there was no distinct change to my own eyesight.

 

He then handed me a small beige item that looked like a jellybean, "Put this in your right ear.." then he handed me a small cufflink, "and press this."

 

I did as he asked, I could hear breathing, "Missy?"

 

He nodded, "Press it."

 

I did as he asked and saw the night lighted wall of Melissa's room in the lenses of the glasses, "Mulder...."

 

"It's amazing what science can do. You know how pissed you were about me getting Missy's ears pierced last week?"

 

"Very."

 

"This is why. They're little mics in the casing so we can hear everything around her, the cameras are in her teddy bear, and in a lead choker which can only be removed with a tiny key which I will have her wear tomorrow. It will be under the uniform collar, but with enough visibility to see everything in front of her."

 

"And this is how you plan on protecting her?"

 

"It's the best I can do given the circumstances. I think keeping her in my arms every second would draw a bit more suspicion than I want. At least William can defend himself, as he's proven."

 

"Missy's just so trusting..."

 

"I know. Tomorrow morning we will discuss, again, that she is not to talk to strangers. Sadly she wants to be best friends with everyone she meets....not sure where the hell she learned that from."

 

"Not us."

 

"Then again that innocence is part of what makes her so special. I'd like her to stay that way if possible...."

 

"Me too."

________________________

 

 

The clock by my side of the bed informed me that it was a little past midnight and I hadn't slept a wink. Even that bastard pill did nothing for me. My brain was just too frazzled to rest.

 

I had to be strong. I couldn't let my husband or my children watch me fall apart. I had been strong; not a tear had been shed, not a cry let out, but as I lay in a foreign bed with strange smelling sheets, I broke. The tears came without warning and would not stop. I was full out bawling when I felt an arm slide under my waist and another over.

 

"Stop crying." Mulder said as he pulled my body against his.

 

The tears were so out of my control I couldn't even respond. Instead, I closed my eyes as tightly as I could and turned myself over to face him.

 

"I can't do this." I was finally able to get out, my eyes still closed, "What if we fail?"

 

"We won't."

 

"You don't know that."

 

"If I know one thing in this damn life it's that you and I together do not fail. At anything.  It's just not possible. We may have minor bumps in the road, a setback or two and you may curse my name more often than I'd like, but we've never failed and we never will."

 

I wanted to believe the words he was telling me, but the ache in my heart remained, "I'm just so scared."

 

"So am I. Admitting it is the first step." he said in a sort of joking manner which did cause a smile to form on my still quivering lips, "I saw that." he noted.

I opened my eyes to see him looking at me. Even in the darkness I could feel him watching me.

 

"Who is crazy enough to follow a path that could ultimately get them killed?"

 

"We are. It isn't the first time, and it won't be the last."

 

"But it's not just about you and me anymore."

 

Mulder nodded, "Which is why I've taken all precautions to assure their safety. You have to know I would never let anything happen to them."

 

"A camera in a choker isn't enough."

 

"Have you ever seen her run?"

 

Taken a bit aback I shook my head. "She runs like any other five year old runs."

 

"Not if she's scared. We were at the park a couple weeks back, you were doing something with your mother, and a spider scared her and she screamed and ran. I could hardly catch up to her. It was impressive and terrifying at the same time, and now I know if she gets scared she will run and hide and I'll have enough time to find her."

 

"But how would we find her?"

 

"Daughter GPS. The choker also has a tracker I've locked into my phone, but I don't think I'll need it. As horrible as these people are I don't see them hurting kids."

 

"Emily..."

 

"That was different. Painful yes, but very different."

 

He seemed confident in his security system for our five year old track star.  He truly believed that he could protect all of us and with all my heart I had to trust him. I forced a small smile, but the tears continued to fall and I knew he was well aware of them. Leaning over he kissed me softly on the lips and leaned back a bit before doing it again, this time a bit harder and my lips parted in encouragement as the kiss deepened and he slowly rolled me over onto my back. As the kissing intensified, hands began to move and clothing pulled away. This was certainly not the time, or the place given the possibility of recording devices all around us, but at this very moment I didn't care and the cry that escaped my lips as he entered me was a much needed release of pain and fear.

 

I awoke to the sound of water running and a bright morning sun welcoming me to a brand new day in my "new" home.

 

I got out of the warm bed and grabbed my pajama top off the floor, quickly pulling it over my head as I walked into the bathroom.

 

Mulder was just getting out of the shower as I entered the room, closing the door behind me.

 

"Hey." he said grabbing a towel and wrapping it around his waist. "You're up."

 

I nodded. I really had nothing to say I just stood there staring at the drops of water as they ran down his perfectly toned chest as if I was in a trance I couldn't snap out of.

 

He just stared back at me, possibly the same deer in headlights expression I was giving him, and before I knew it he had me pressed against the bathroom door, my legs quickly locking around his waist and cries of ecstasy filling the tiny room.

 

Melissa sat at the table poking at her Cheerios and playing with the chocker around her neck. William fought with the collar of his dress shirt while glaring at his cold cereal. I still felt like a cat in heat, unsure as to why - maybe it was an Ambien side effect - but knowing at this moment there was nothing I could do about it.

 

After apologizing again for no hot breakfast - not enough time given my feline situation - we left the new house and packed into the tiny car. Mulder looked at the schedule we had been given which stated we had to be at the school by nine. No later, no earlier. Nine. After that - nothing.

 

Mulder chewed on the inside of his right cheek as he stared at the booklet in front of him.

 

"We probably shouldn't be late." I said considering the school was four miles away and we had fifteen minutes to get there.

 

Mulder simply nodded and placed the folder in the door pocket before starting the car and following the GPS directions.

 

8:59AM we got to the door of the school, where we were greeted by a nice male security guard who took our pictures, then checked our names off a list before directing us to go to room 103 and 109.

 

103 was a small room with about five other children roughly Melissa's age sitting at desks. There was a nice blonde woman behind a bigger desk at the front of the room who waved us in smiling.

 

"This must be Melissa." she said with no hint of a French accent.

 

I held her hand tightly, terrified to let go, but seeing the other children got her excited and she began to pull away.

 

"Mommy! Let go!"

 

Those words struck a cord in me, but I couldn't place why....I did, however, let go...and watched her run to the open desk smiling away. My little princess could be happy anywhere.

 

The nice teacher nudged us off and closed the door.

 

Room 109 also had five other children, who also looked the same age as William, unfortunately he was not as eager to enter the class with another smiling teacher with no accent. Mulder had to push him a bit to get him walking before the teacher closed the door.

 

"Now what." I said trying to stop my hands from shaking.

 

Mulder shook his head, "I don't know."

 

"If you could both follow me." a new, also non French, voice called out behind us.

 

An older woman, probably in her late sixties, holding a large binder smiled at us, "Please" she said before turning around.

 

Doing as we were told we followed her into an office where she shut the door and instructed us to sit in two hard wooden chairs before a desk exactly like the two in the children's classrooms. She closed, and locked the door behind her and I quickly reached for Mulder's hand squeezing it, needing something to hold onto fearing this was it.

 

"How are you adjusting to the time change?" she asked in a sweet, almost concerned voice.

 

"Fine..." we both said at the same time.

 

She chuckled and sat down at the desk before us, "You look pretty terrified, which I guess is to be expected. A lot of people come in wondering 'why have you brought us here?'"

 

"Pretty much..." Came out of my mouth and I wished I could take it back.

 

"I don't want you to be concerned, what I'm sure you think is going to happen - isn't."

 

My eyes slowly turned to Mulder, who did the same to me - both of us not wanting to reply.

 

She chuckled again and opened her binder, "June 7, 1975 - that day ring a bell for either of you?"

 

We both shook our heads.

 

"Didn't think so." she said, then pulled what looked to be an 8x10 photo out of the binder and walked around the desk handing it to me. "Do you recognize either of those people?"

 

It was a black and white photo of what looked to be a young teenage boy, and a young girl with hair in braids. The young boy was handing the girl a notebook, and the way they were looking at each other was something ...magical...and it was caught on camera...and the more I stared at it the more I recognized the young girl, "How..." I said as Mulder leaned over looking at the photo as well

 

"Oh my God..." he said "I remember that!"

 

"Air and Space Museum...." the woman said, "Dana dropped her notebook near Buzz Aldrin's suit and Fox picked it up and followed her all the way to the Wright brother's plane to give it back to her."

 

"But how is there photographic evidence of this?"

 

The woman shrugged, "That's the point of what I'm about to tell you, Fox...I'm sure you know by now the man who raised you was not your father."

 

Mulder nodded, "Very well aware."

 

"And your actual father knew this, and given he was good friends with the man you believed to be your father, he would go out of his way to plan lavish trips and vacations that your families would go on together and he would take as many photos as he could. If you look, there's a young boy out of focus next to the plane waving - that's Jeffrey, but the camera was focused on you. Both of you. Apparently he saw a connection there and spent some time tracking down who the girl in the photo was."

 

"I guess that's kind of cute in a creepy sort of way." I said handing the photo back to the woman.

 

"Keep it." She said returning to her desk, "We have copies."

 

I nodded and placed the photo on my lap, still at a loss as to what the hell was going on here.

 

"And the point of telling us we met as children on some random day nearly forty years ago?" Mulder said a hint of annoyance to his voice. More than a hint, actually

 

She nodded, "I understand, and given we do have limited time before my next appointment I will get to the point. As much as you may have believed, Spender's plan was never to kill either one of you. His goal was for the two of you to be exactly where you are right now, a very happy married couple with children. Unfortunately he planned on this happening a lot sooner than it did which is probably why he did most of the things he did, but he had plans for you from the beginning, Fox. Given your intellect, your strength, traits he saw in himself - in a way he saw the two of you as his own Adam and Eve...his own creators of a new world."

 

Words failed me, but eventually I could say, "He had no right."

 

"I know." she said softly, "What the two of you have been through is more than anyone could fathom and the fact you survived it all, and everything you went through for each other proves what he saw on that day in 1975."

 

"You still haven't explained why we are here." Mulder said, "And why what we think is wrong."

 

"Yes, I know. The experiments started back in the forties, with the alien DNA, and most of the subjects died. We were well aware of the date of colonization and figured we had plenty of time to do things right. Once Spender found Dana, and was able to get her into the FBI with you, he figured chemistry would happen and he could then start with his superior race....but as you quite know that didn't happen fast enough and he grew impatient, taking Dana and extracting her ova to do the job himself with Fox's genetic material he had 'donated' not many years before.  Sadly, the branch DNA failed, and I know the two of you were witness to that failure. He realized then the only way to make it work was to infect Fox with the black oil which he believed would be a better match with the manipulated ova which were re-implanted. When that still lead to  - nothing - more experiments continued with the extracted samples which had been altered to prevent what had happened previously...."

 

"When..." Mulder asked before I could.

 

"1996."

 

"Did he succeed..." I asked through the lump in my throat.

 

She slowly nodded, "Twin girls, now seventeen years old."

 

Even though Mulder had informed me that he had been able to match our DNA to other samples, he never said those 'samples' belonged to living beings and I felt like my stomach was going to jump into my throat.

 

"I'm going to be sick.." I said

 

"I know this is a lot to take in."

 

"How many children do I have that I don't even know about!" I yelled.

 

"They're the only ones I promise you." She said, "They were the last remaining samples and they were raised by a nice family in Ohio."

 

"Where are they now..." I asked.

 

"They're here..." she said cautiously

 

"Do they know?" Mulder asked

 

She shook her head, "No. They don't. They only know they're here because they're special. They both graduated high school at fourteen and completed college this year. Jessica has an IQ of 169 and Abigail has an IQ of 180."

 

Everything was starting to sound like pig latten as words flew by and all I wanted to do was disappear. Hey mom guess what you have two other grandchildren who I was completely unaware of and are almost old enough to vote.

 

"And now that you've scared the hell out of us, why are we here?" Mulder asked again

 

"Colonization didn't happen. As I know you're well aware. Wasted time building underground shelters to protect people like you and your children just to be returned to a world which is basically destroying itself. Beyond mother nature, we have religion killing thousands. Poverty, hunger, one class of people feeling it's better than another - in short the world has become a melting pot of hate and cruelty. We thought in time this world would evolve to a decent planet to live on, but each year things get worse. Now we know why the aliens didn't bother with colonization, they found a better planet to inhabit given this one has turned into a demilitarized zone."

 

"So now you have to get rid of the 'merchandise" Mulder quoted what Patty had told us, as I continued to think about those two girls and out there somewhere.

 

"That was one of the plans, then we realized why destroy what we put so much time and money into. Creating super humans. Why don't we just create our own world with those perfect enough to be a part of it."

 

"No one is perfect." I muttered.

 

"You are." she replied, "I'm not talking vanity either Dana. I bet you could eat an entire chocolate cake and not gain a pound."

 

"I wouldn't."

 

"And that is why you're here." She opened her book to another page, "We've been testing people for over a year. Once they were tagged, they were brought here. If they passed they are sent to the new world, if they failed they are sent home as if nothing happened. You are the last to arrive."

 

"How do you pass or fail?" Mulder asked.

 

"Imagine you're given a pristine automobile. You can either give it premium gas, or regular. You can drive safely or recklessly, get tune ups etc. You can either cherish or destroy this gift you were given. You were given the gift of a perfect body, a perfect mind, you can either use it by continuing to learn, to exercise, or you could become a drug addict and morbidly obese. This is how you pass or fail. The same standards are set for your children which is what they are currently doing at this very moment." she looked at her watch, "A thirty minute IQ test, followed by various other mind games, and reading, comprehension and math tests."

 

"Melissa is five!" I objected.

 

"The tests are geared towards the child's age.  We have toddlers using blocks for spelling tests."

 

"What about us?" Mulder asked, "Will we be tested the same way?"

 

"Today, IQ only." she replied, "Which we have scheduled in about twenty minutes in room 112. By the time you finish your children should be done and then you can go home."

 

"Which home?" I asked in a bit of a sarcastic way.

 

"The one four miles away." She replied in the same tone, "Tomorrow you will need to be at the hospital by nine am for the physical and mental tests. We're looking for the best people, we can't send someone to the new world and have them go insane killing people. Guns are not permitted, but we can't outlaw knifes and other tools so we need to make sure everyone has mental stability."

 

Not everyone is married to a husband with anger management issues....then again, if he didn't have anything to be angry about...

 

"You keep saying this new world, what the hell is it...another planet?" I asked in a factitious manner.

 

"You can't seriously believe - after all you've seen - that earth is the only planet capable of inhabitation?"

 

"It's never been proven to me."

 

"Well, it will be - if you pass all the tests and are worthy of going there. We started calling it Earth 2 until we realized that was the name of an awful TV show from the nineties, so for now it's utopia. It's just like earth, but without the hate."

 

 

"How many people are there now?" I asked

 

"We have room for a population of 5,000. So far we have less than three thousand people who have relocated. You may have seen on the news entire families just vanishing, those are the ones who have gone to the new world. The last ship leaves December 31st."

 

"What if we don't want to go?" I asked, "What if we're perfectly happy living in our screwed up part of the planet?"

 

"Then you're perfectly allowed to do so, however...that chip in your neck will stop working. We can't risk anyone finding it and linking it to us. It will just dissolve like the trackers you inserted into the other candidates and you will succumb to whatever your body may do to itself during the normal coarse of life."

 

Mulder shook his head, "No."

 

I closed my eyes and sighed, "I'll die."

 

"Given there's at least one inoperable tumor in your body, that is a possibility, Dana. There's also the fact that the chip does control your immune system, the aging process and your reproductive system. It's what keeps you healthy, and stops the aging process at forty."

 

That explained a lot, "But what about Mulder, he doesn't have a chip..."

 

"Mulder...." she flipped through her book, "We don't have anything on Mulder after the year 2000. By all accounts he would have been dead by 2001 if the colonists didn't take care of him themselves. We can't do anything about you, Fox, you're a hybrid and if you choose to go back to your home you will remain the same, as will your children because of your condition. Dana is the only one who will suffer."

 

Suffer. Great way to put it.

 

The room became very quiet until an alarm went off.

 

"You're needed in room 112." She said standing up. "Follow me."

 

We followed this woman in silence to the room where a man stood at a desk with two desks in front of him.

 

"We never got your name." I said to her as she walked away.

 

 She turned and gave a small smile, "Gretchen Fowley."

 

                                

Thirty minutes of timed, mindless questions. Given all the information I was asked to take in and then be given this kind of test was cruelty at it's best. They wanted me to fail, they wanted me to succumb to life without a microchip in my neck

 

Fuck them

 

I finished the test in twenty minutes, crossed my arms and leaned back staring at the man at the front of the room scribbling away in a notebook. Most IQ tests were on computers, but we had to actually use a number two pencil like we were back in grade school. Mulder finished a good minute after I did and we both just sat there waiting for the little alarm on the man's desk to go off. Sadly, after all I had been told, all I could focus on was the name Gretchen Fowley.

 

After what felt like an eternity, the bell rang, the man looked up startled and after a moment got up and collected our papers and told us we were free to leave.

 

The kids were waiting by the front door of the building looking as confused as we were. It wasn't even noon and we were officially done for the day.

 

"Now what?" William asked me.

 

I shrugged, "I guess we go home."

 

No food or beverages after eight - it was seven-fifty-eight

 

The bottle of wine taunted me from the fridge.

 

"It's technically fruit..." I said staring at it.

 

"No..." Mulder said as he sat at the table scribbling in a notebook, "You want to pass whatever hell they put us through tomorrow don't you?"

 

I closed my eyes then closed the refrigerator door before turning around and staring at him, "What are you writing?"

 

"Timelines." he said, "Trying to make sense of all this."

 

"Good luck." I said sitting down next to him at the table as I heard William moan and Melissa laugh, "At least they're getting along."

 

"Leave it to Playstation to bring siblings together." He replied before turning the page and continuing to scribble.

 

The black and white 8x10 photo sat in the middle of the table and I had to pick it up and stare at it, "It's crazy..."

 

"Crazy that someone saw something nearly forty years ago what we didn't?"

 

"I'm not saying I never saw it....or felt it....I was just afraid to act on it."

 

 Mulder stopped scribbling and looked up at me, "What?"

 

I shrugged,  "You have to remember I had a lot of failed relationships, and part of the reason I let the FBI recruit me was to escape a bad relationship...I just didn't think I could handle another failure."

 

"You really think we would have failed?"

 

"Maybe...if we acted too early..."

 

"And maybe if we did you wouldn't have a chip in your neck and I wouldn't be a 'hybrid'"

 

"You really believe all of that..."

 

"You don't?"

 

"Now that I've actually had time to think about all she said, no...I don't. Let's say, that we did act on our feelings from the very beginning....per bureau policy they would have immediately found us new partners and who knows what would have happened then."

 

"You don't think we could have kept it hidden...."

 

"Not back then. By the time we actually did...act on it...people had already assumed we were sleeping together and by then no one really cared and then...."

 

Mulder nodded understanding that neither one of us wanted to continue that specific timeline, "I don't believe everything she said, but if the son of a bitch saw something that ultimately brought us together I'm at least thankful for that. Even if we weren't intimate, I couldn't imagine my life without you. Even then."

 

"Me too." I said softly placing the photo back on the table, "Guess it was fate."

 

Mulder nodded, "You don't believe there's another planet out there capable of sustaining human life?"

 

"No one has ever proven such a thing."

 

"Maybe no one was looking for it. With so much about Mars and the moon...maybe it just got lost."

 

"Maybe it's Pluto." I chuckled

 

"Maybe." Mulder smirked at me before going back to the notebook.

 

The issue which had been weighing on my heart was getting heavier and  I finally had to ask, "Who is Gretchen Fowley?"

 

I watched as his hand stopped moving. His grip on the pen tightened, "Why?"

 

"The woman who interviewed us this morning. She said her name was Gretchen Fowley. Did you just miss that piece of information?"

 

"Guess I didn't hear her." His eyes stayed on the paper.

 

"Who is she?" I asked again, this time in much more serious tone.

 

Mulder sighed and placed the pen down on the paper and looked up at me, "Diana's mother."

 

I nodded, "Why was she interviewing us?"

 

"That I don't know."

 

"But she knew who we were."

 

"Clearly."

 

"She knows who you are."

 

Mulder nodded, "Yes."

 

"But you never made the connection yourself? He with the photographic memory."

 

"Some things, and people, I guess you find a way of making yourself forget."

 

"And you have no idea why she'd be working for these people?"

 

"Honestly, no. Diana never mentioned her mother being a part of that group, but it would make sense considering how we met and how her mother tried to keep us apart. She must have known about  - his - plan. Also explains why she suddenly found a new job right after we eloped-"

 

He cut himself off- but not quickly enough. Never had my heart sunk as quickly as it did with one word, "Eloped??" I added with what little voice I could muster as the pain of such a statement paralyzed me, "ELOPED!" it came out louder this time and the other room got suddenly quiet.

 

Knowing this conversation couldn't continue in the kitchen I pursed my lips and got up from the table, turning towards the stairs, storming up them until I made it to the bedroom where my heart began beating in my skull as I paced back and forth.

 

Eloped...eloped...

 

It didn't take long for Mulder to enter the bedroom and close the door.

 

"Before you..."

 

"ELOPED!" I now screamed cutting him off, "You were MARRIED TO HER!?"

 

"For six weeks!" He yelled back, "We were married, she left and we got divorced. As simple as that."

 

"And you never thought to tell me this...after over twenty years?!"

 

"I didn't think it was an issue! I don't need to know about every relationship you've been in!"

 

"I don't need to about every skank you've slept with or had phone sex with, but I'm sorry if I would like to be filled in on how many times my husband has been married!"

 

"SIX FUCKING WEEKS!"

 

"IT COULD HAVE BEEN SIX FUCKING HOURS! I deserved to know!" I was at the point where I was even too angry to cry, "After all we've been through....you couldn't share that important piece of your life?"

 

"In the end, I didn't think it was that important, and maybe because even then I had a feeling this would be your reaction. I didn't want to hurt you." He sounded sincere, but the pain was still present. "Clearly, I did."

 

I was out of words, "I have to process this..."

 

"What does it change? Really, Dana? What?"

 

"What else are you hiding from me?"

 

"Nothing. I swear."

 

"I wish I could believe you...." I turned away from him and went to the window, looking down at the empty cul de sac and missing my home. My real home and my life before being punched in the heart.

 

"What can I do?" he said, his voice almost cracking.

 

I shook my head, "Nothing." I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, "I just need time."

 

"I'll go play with the kids." he said, "Just come down when you're ready to talk."

 

I didn't respond.

 

He waited a few more seconds before I heard the door open and then close and once I knew I was alone.... I cried.

 

I never went downstairs. I was even too upset to look at my own children. As hurt as I was I also knew it was stupid to be so upset about something that happened before he even really met me - a childhood meeting we didn't even remember not counting - but I couldn't help it. That woman bothered me the second I saw her...maybe I knew then without knowing.

 

I never really slept. I just lay on the bed and stared at the ceiling for who knows how many hours. By a little after three there was a knock on the door and I said he could enter.

 

"Do you still hate me?" Mulder said after closing the door.

 

"I never hated you." I replied.

 

"I tried sleeping on the couch, but it's a French couch not made for sleeping..."

 

"I never said you couldn't sleep in your own bed....well this bed..."

 

"But you made me pretty afraid to." He said approaching it, "Is there anything I can do to make up for it?"

 

"You can't change the past. That's why it's the past. All I can do is try to accept it and move on."

 

"Is there a timetable for that?"

 

"No." I looked up at him, "If she hadn't left, we may have never met...."

 

"I have a feeling...." he sighed, "We were destined to."

 

I rolled my eyes, "You can't make me feel better sounding like a cheezy love song."

 

"That wasn't my intention." He sat down on the edge of the bed and stared down at me in the darkness, "I admit, Diana leaving hurt. It hurt with a pain I never wanted to experience again, but that pain vanished the second I saw you."

 

"Stop it." I looked away

 

"It's true." he said taking my left hand and squeezing it, "I'm not asking you to believe me, I'm not even asking you to forgive me for not telling you the truth before now, but as God as my witness I fell in love with you from the very moment we met."

 

"You practiced that speech didn't you?" I said, my eyes still facing the window and focusing on the moon shining through the panes.

 

"I had a lot of time on my hands." he replied, "I also don't like when my five year old asks if we're getting a divorce."

 

"Why would she think that?"

 

"You tell me. Did the thought cross your mind?"

 

"She can't read minds, Mulder." I turned to face him, "Stop thinking she can."

 

"I would if she'd stop proving me wrong."

 

"I never thought of divorce." she added, "but I can't help feeling upset."

 

"I know. And I didn't want you to feel this way. She's my past. You're my present and my future."

 

"Can you just shut up and go to sleep."

 

"Not if you can't forgive me."

 

"I forgive you." I lied

 

"I don't believe you."

 

"Believe what you want." I said before rolling over with my back to him and closing my eyes, even though I knew sleep would not happen,

 

 

When I fall asleep angry I tend to have horrible dreams. Nightmares actually, and when I awakened the next morning the fact that an evil woman with brown hair and devil eyes was taunting me from the grave yelling 'I was first. I was first' meant I generally didn't want to sleep again.

 

Could you annul a marriage if one of the parties was deceased?

 

Given I wasn't exactly 'pure' when I got married, did it really even matter? For some reason it just...did.

 

The uniforms were not required this morning and as I helped my daughter with the pink leggings and white sweater she had picked out - they said to wear loose clothing, but let her be five - I felt her staring at me as I tied her shoes.

 

"Who is the devil woman, mommy?" she said as I was looping the bunny ear on her right sneaker.

 

My fingers froze in place, gripping the pink laces between them, "What?" I asked, then looked directly at her, "Why are you asking me that?"

 

"You said that devil woman was ruining your life. Who is the devil woman?"

 

"I didn't say anything."

 

"Yes, you did. I heard you."

 

I let go of the laces and closed my eyes...the next word that popped into my head she sure as hell better not repeat.

 

Eventually the shoe lace got tied, but I did my best to keep my mind clear as I strapped her into her booster seat and got into the passenger side of the car.

 

"Never speaking to me again huh?" Mulder said turning the key in the ignition.

 

"Nope." I replied looking out the window.

 

"Great." William groaned from the backseat, "Does this mean we can go home now?"

 

I closed my eyes and thought ...even if we did, it wouldn't feel like home anymore.

 

___________________________________________

I wish we had run. I wish I had never met Gretchen Fowley, and found out the ugly truth about six weeks of my husband's past.

 

But if we had, would the chip stop working? Would I be on my death bed within months? Or would I have to have faith that my body would continue to fight....

 

They didn't say we'd be here for three days. At least. They didn't say we'd be separated from each other. Four separate rooms in a large hospital. This wasn't right. My children were on another floor, my husband on the other side of the hospital. Segregation due to age and gender, but in the end it was just pure torture.

 

Stripped of my jewelry - my cross, my rings....forced to wear a thin white robe that left nothing to the imagination and the only saving grace was it didn't tie in the back.

 

No books, no telephones, no TV....it was as if they were testing how long it would take to make you crazy. No human contact except for a nurse who took a blood and urine sample before leaving me alone to fear the worst.

 

That whole telepathy thing would come in handy right now; even if the mornings incident with my five-year-old still scared the hell out of me. Had she been hearing everything since she was born? Or did this 'gift' just slowly develop with age? Only one person would know...and we hadn't seen him in nearly twelve years.

 

No windows. Probably as a deterrent because someone probably would find a way to break through one after being in this small room for too long.

 

No clock. I had no idea what time it was. There were cameras, and I could just imagine the life of the poor slob forced to watch us slowly go insane.

 

I paced....I glared up at the cameras pointed at the bed, and the door. At least there wasn't one in the tiny bathroom I hadn't needed after the sample was taken.

 

I sat on the bed and stared at my bare toes. Shoes or undergarments weren't even allowed; I guess I could take solace in the fact it wasn't cold.

 

A light went off and the door opened.

 

A young woman, possibly in her early thirties, wearing all white - shoes, pants, top, jacket - walked in and locked the door behind her, then shoved the keys into her pocket as she approached me carrying a clipboard.

 

"What." I said in a very cold and annoyed tone.

 

"How are you, Dana?"

 

"Pissed off. How are you?"

 

She nodded and sat down in the lone chair in the tiny room and pulled a pen out of her coat pocket, "How are you feeling?"

 

"Same."

 

She nodded again, "Do you know why you're here?"

 

"You're seeing how long it takes for me to lose my mind."

 

She gave a small smirk, "Looks to me like you still have it."

 

Rolling my eyes, I laid down on the bed, "How long will we be here?"

 

"I can't tell you that."

 

"Of course, you can't."

 

"I do, however, have some questions I need answered."

 

"Fine." I was sadly thankful for some human interaction.

 

"When did you last have sexual intercourse?"

 

That was not the interaction I wanted.

 

"Why?" I turned my head to her, "Why do you need to know that?"

 

"Please answer the question."

 

Sighing I closed my eyes, "over twenty four hours ago."

 

"Was protection used?"

 

I groaned, "No."

 

She scribbled something down which seemed to take far too long

 

"What are you writing?"

 

"It's not of your concern."

 

"And my sex life is not of yours." I said sitting back up on the bed, "Why is that important?"

 

"When was your last menstrual cycle?"

 

I shook my head, "I don't remember. It's not exactly regular."

 

She nodded and went back to scribbling.

 

"You can at least have the decency to tell me why you're asking me such personal questions while segregating me away from my family and all means of natural light and time?"

 

"We need to know if you're pregnant."

 

"I'm not."

 

"The test was inconclusive." she replied looking up at me, "Which could mean you're not far enough along."

 

I suddenly felt very ill, "I'm not." I said again.

 

The woman shrugged, "we have to take certain precautions if you are when it comes to the testing."

 

"I'm not." I said a third time hoping that time it would stick with her. "Look, we figured out the system and I'm not even 'due' to get pregnant until July."

 

She wrinkled her forehead, "Due?"

 

"Yes, we - well my husband..." I felt my voice drift off saying the word, "Mulder, figured out the system. How often I've been programmed to ovulate."

 

She nodded, "Did he take into calculation the times ovulation wouldn't happen because you were actually pregnant? Eighteen months takes a big chunk out of that, Dana."

 

And the nausea returned, "No...he didn't."

 

"Also, yes, the chip can control ovulation, but you're also a normal healthy woman and it is possible to spontaneously ovulate."

 

"I've heard that...but...I thought with all that was done to me, it wasn't possible."

 

"Nothing is ever not possible." she scribbled again, "You're fifty, correct?"

 

I nodded

 

She scribbled some more. "Your weight is normal; your blood pressure is a bit high. Your cholesterol is normal. Do you eat meat?"

 

"Fish...sometimes."

 

"Would it be possible to not have any animal products?"

 

I shrugged, "Why?"

 

"On utopia there will be no animals. No fish."

 

"Cats and dogs?"

 

"No. We don't want the risk of them being used for anything other than companionship."

 

"So, you're saying if we go to this new planet my children can't even have a pet?"

 

"I'm sorry, but no. Maybe in time, but as of now we're still in the developing period. No animals of any kind."

 

"But cannibalism will be allowed."

 

"I assume you're joking."

 

I rolled my eyes, "No milk, eggs, cheese."

 

"or silk, leather. No insects are allowed."

 

"You really can't expect to develop a planet without insects and animals."

 

"We have. We have humans who have been on that planet for the last year, once it was discovered and they've flourished."

 

"But how do you pollinate flowers without bees?"

 

"Flowers are a useless plant. The only plants allowed are those intended for nourishment. Each inhabitant grows their own food in a greenhouse-controlled environment. Potatoes, sugar, tomatoes. It may take time to get used to, but in the end it's the best way to live. Off the earth. No chemicals, no preservatives of any kind."

 

"What about trees which produce carbon dioxide?"

 

"The eco system there is very different. There is a period of adjustment, but there are no trees."

 

"I just don't see how it's possible to live in a world without trees and flowers."

 

The woman sighed and leaned back in her chair, "Why do you question everything?"

 

"Because I don't believe you. I don't believe any of this. There can not be a perfect planet with perfect people and no wars and nothing other than humans living on it. How is my daughter not being able to have a dog a perfect life? Or flowers to look at. Oh yes, you can grow plants, but only if they're edible."

 

"You're more than welcomed to stay on this planet, Dana."

 

"And die."

 

"If it comes to that." she closed her notebook, "Your husband, however, seems very eager to make the journey."

 

"Of course he does." I got off the bed and walked to the door, "and I always end up following him anyway."

 

"But he said he won't go without you." she opened the door, "How about you spend the next hour or two thinking about that."  she then left; closing and locking the door behind her.

 

And with that I was alone. Again

 

After a bit more pacing my stomach began to object to my situation. No food for ...it had to be close to twenty four hours by now. The fish and chips we had for dinner yesterday were making my mouth water. No fish. Probably no chips either since we would basically be required to make our own oil. What kind of planet was this? One out of the dark ages it seemed.

 

The door unlocked and another woman entered the room. Different from before, and seemed a bit younger than the previous interrogator.

 

"Hi Dana." she said before locking the door behind her and placing the keys in her white pants pocket.

 

"Hi." I said in a much less enthusiastic tone.

 

"You don't like being here do you?"

 

Oh yay time for the mental screening. "No, I don't actually. Where are my children?"

 

"They're just fine. Just so you know they're not being subjected to the same tests. They had some blood tests this morning, which you did consent to, and after those were completed they were treated to a very nice breakfast."

 

"Of what?"

 

"Granola, strawberries and orange juice."

 

"No yogurt or milk..." I was testing her.

 

"No, Dana, no animal products."

 

I wanted to roll my eyes so far back in my head, "I get the no meat thing, I do. But cheese? Eggs? Milk?"

 

"No animal hormones of any kind. It's believed they can lead to irregularities in the human body."

 

No need to send me off to another planet; I felt like I was already on one.

 

I just shook my head, "Whatever. Just get on with it so I can get out of here."

 

"Please sit." she said pulling out one of the chairs at the small useless table by the door.

 

Doing as she asked I sat down and she sat down across from me. I waited for ink blots or something similar, but the young blonde woman with piercing blue eyes and a Barbie doll like nose just stared at me.

 

"What?" I finally asked after what felt like a lifetime of visual probing

 

She sighed and wrote something down in a notebook

 

"If you're all so developed, why are you all still using pen and paper? With ipads, laptops..."

 

"We transfer the information to digital media later."

 

"You're killing trees this way." I said eying her.

 

"We recycle. Everything used is used again." she didn't even say it in an irritated tone. She was very robotic.

 

"Fine. Why were you staring at me?"

 

"I was testing telepathic ability. Clearly you don't have it."

 

"No one does." I was even lying to myself now.

 

"Your husband does." she replied in the same flat tone as before.

 

That was not the answer I was expecting, "No he doesn't." I replied

 

"Have you ever asked him?"

 

"I would have known."

 

"Clearly you don't." she replied back, "It is rare for adults, but your husband is a special case."

 

"I'm very well aware of that." I replied

 

"You're a doctor..."

 

"Not practicing."

 

"Yes, but what is your specialty?"

 

"General practice and pediatric neurology."

 

"and why did you pick that field."

 

"I wanted to help children."

 

"With brain disorders."

 

"Yes."

 

"Like your son."

 

Psychoanalyzing time, "Yes, like my son. And others. He wasn't the definitive reason I chose that field of study."

 

"But your son is fine now."

 

"Yes. He can't read minds." Which may have come out more insulting than I wanted it to. Not that I really believed what she said about Mulder anyway, it could all be a trick to see how I'd react.

 

"We haven't tested your children yet. We will need separate consent for that."

 

"And what if I don't consent." Given my morning incident with Melissa.

 

"All parties need to be tested Mrs. Mulder."

 

I didn't get called Mrs. Mulder much. Unless it was a school function, and hearing it now - even after over six years of officially being Mrs. Mulder - it felt odd and made my mind return to the first Mrs. Mulder. "This feels like blackmail. You're making me, and my family, go through all of this using the fact that I could die if we didn't."

 

"No one said you were going to die."

 

"I have at least one inoperable tumor and a chip that keeps it from killing me."

 

"Who told you it was inoperable?"

 

"Every doctor I went to."

 

"Maybe twenty years ago, but not now." she crooked her head, "You're letting that tumor control you."

 

"No I'm not."

 

"You just said you know you will die because of it. How is that not control?"

 

"Because it's a tumor. That's what they do."

 

"You know for a fact it's malignant?"

 

"I know for a fact it did almost kill me more than once."

 

"Not the tumor, the doctors. "

 

"So, you're saying if I choose not to go to this 'utopia', which by all accounts sounds far from 'utopia' I won't necessarily drop dead."

 

"You could get hit by a car tomorrow. No one is invincible, Dana, but you need to choose to go to utopia based on your own desire. Not based on fear that by not going you've signed your own death certificate."

 

"If I went, and didn't like it, could I come back?"

 

She nodded, "It's not a prison, you would, however, not be able to return. There's a quarantine everyone needs to go through before they travel to utopia. Physical and mental stress tests as well...and if you're pregnant..."

 

"Then the trip is off."

 

"Not off, delayed. But you would also have to be closely monitored throughout the pregnancy which means a strict diet."

 

"Vegan diet."

 

She nodded, "We have two women in gestation now. One is due in three months, another in six. We have another floor where the newborns are kept the first few days to monitor their progress. We have not yet had a case where a strict vegan diet has hurt their development. You're more than welcomed to see them, I believe a couple are being released today."

 

"You mean I can actually leave this room?"

 

She smiled, "Once again, you're not in prison. We just need to make sure you can handle being in isolation for fourteen hours."

 

"That's all it's been?"

 

"It's been eight."

 

Which meant it was probably close to seven pm, given how long it took them to strip me of all my belongings and take their samples.

 

"Feels longer. Why fourteen?"

 

"That's how long it takes to get to Utopia. Each compartment can hold family of four. Each craft holds twenty passengers and has to go fast enough to penetrate the earth's atmosphere. We can only make the trip once a month and a month long quarantine is in order if you are chosen to go which includes more testing which is why pregnancy tests are crucial. A fetus could never survive the flight, and once delivered the child needs to be at least one month of age before they can make the journey and given the last ship is scheduled to leave December 31st, you would need to deliver the child by November 30th. We have special carriers for infants, and you will be able to feed and change the child while traveling."

 

"November 30th. So, according to your calculations I would have to be at least two months pregnant to fit into your time plan."

 

"Yes."

 

"And what if I'm not. What if I got pregnant...yesterday?"

 

"Then we would have to speed up gestation." she said in yet another robotic way.

 

"That's not scientifically possible."

 

The edges of her lips curled up in an almost snide way, "Yes. It is. You have no idea what can be done with genetics now, Dana. You have to admit, a nine month pregnancy is just...too long. We have a scientist who developed a way to complete a normal healthy pregnancy in less than five months. Nine pounds, ten ounces. Healthy baby boy who is now five."

 

I found this information fascinating, but really didn't want to be a human guinea pig, "I'm not pregnant. I would know."

 

She shrugged, "In any event, we have to continue testing to be sure. The only way to be safe is to abstain from intercourse until departure. If you believe you can do that."

 

"Yes." I crossed my arms, "I'm not an animal." I replied, not counting the uncontrollable animalistic moments from the day before. "But given my age, it really should be a factor."

 

"We just sent off a sixty year old woman who gave birth to triplets."

 

"That's just irresponsible."

 

"With a life expectancy of eighty or ninety if you're lucky, yes, it is. But you have to keep in mind that those numbers don't apply to people like you anymore. Why would we work on creating a superior race, only to have it die out so soon?"

 

"I could still be hit by a bus tomorrow."

 

"Yes, you could, but that's not preventable. We've done all we can to stop the aging process; we can't do anything about busses."

 

"I don't want another child." I said out loud; not really even knowing why I chose to share this information with a total stranger.

 

The woman looked crestfallen. "You only have two."

 

"Isn't that enough? I don't feel it's my job to populate the earth."

 

She smirked, "It kind of is."

 

Now I smirked, "You're joking."

 

"Dana, your IQ measured 172, your husbands' just slightly lower." she pulled a tablet out of her bag, "Your children, your five year old, measured at 155 and your son 146" she looked up at me, "The world is overpopulated with people who can't do basic math, and you think it isn't your job to populate the earth?"

 

"It isn't." I said defiantly, ignoring the IQ scores which meant nothing to me, " What you're saying is you want to start over with a planet full of smart people."

 

"Beats what we have here. Brainless ignorant people who think the answer to life is football on Sundays and another six pack of beer."

 

"If it makes them happy."

 

"But that's the reason the world is in the state it's in. Why the United States is becoming one of the most backwards civilizations;  where governors need to enact laws to prevent how much soda someone can drink and why you can't have universal healthcare because people don't want to help others in need. It's deplorable."

 

"It's the American way."

 

"And you'd rather live there then in a world where your children can go to school without fear of someone walking in with an automatic weapon."

 

"When you put it that way..."

 

"Just think about it Dana. I'll come back later and take you to see the maternity wing if you're interested."

 

I really wasn't, but I nodded anyway. I didn't want to be pregnant, but I had a terrified feeling I already was.

 

James Michael born April 1, 2014 weighing in at 7 pounds six ounces. Hair red, eyes blue.

 

Avery Rebecca born April 1, 2014 weighing in at 8 pounds nine ounces. Hair red, eyes blue

 

"I'm sensing a pattern." I said from the glass of the maternity wing as nurses with masks and gloves tended to the newborns.

 

"Yes." Rachel - the woman who psychoanalyzed me actually did have a first name - said holding her clipboard, "The recessive gene is very important to us. Most candidates chosen carry the gene."

 

"How do you know it's not courtesy of Ms Clairol?"

 

She smiled, "The hair color you're born with is the one that matters. We all change over time. I've seen babies born with blonde hair who have jet black manes by the time we see them, but the hair your have you first three years is what counts."

 

"I guess I've never seen hair color as that important."

 

"We do." she replied, "Your husband should be waiting in my office, we just need to go over a few things then send you home."

 

I was getting quite sick of hearing that word home...because it sure as hell didn't mean to me what it meant to them.

 

You know you love someone when, even though you're incredibly angry at them, you still melt seeing their face after a long separation. Mulder was sitting in her office on a couch picking at his nails and looking haggard. We both hadn't slept much the night before and the lack of food, water and sunlight had gotten to both of us. I sat down next to him and waited for Rachel to sit in the chair next to the couch. I still found it funny that we were in France, yet hardly dealt with one person with any discernable French accent.

 

Quiet filled the small room as Rachel opened a laptop and placed it on a small table next to her then flipped through the notebook she had been scribbling in. I kept my thoughts basic. I was hungry. I wanted to leave. I was hungry

 

"Are you ok?" Mulder asked me

 

"Fine. Just tired and hungry."

 

He nodded, "Ok..."

 

"Ok." Rachel said closing the notebook, "I know we've put you through a lot today."

 

"Where are my children?" I asked her directly.

 

"They are fine. They're having a nice dinner right now and then you are free to leave."

 

"At ten pm at night?"

 

"Yes."

 

"And what fine vegan meal would this be?"

 

"Spaghetti with marinara sauce."

 

"Do you have a pasta making press here?"

 

"As a matter of fact we do. It's made fresh every morning. Would you like to see it?" I could tell she was now getting agitated with me, so I just shook my head.

 

"Good." She closed the laptop and looked at her watch, "You should be able to leave within the next hour, then I will contact you if there are any results to the additional testing, or if we need you to come in to provide another sample"

 

"What kind of sample? What testing?" Mulder asked her then turned to me, "What's going on?"

 

"Nothing." I replied not looking at him.

 

"Are you sick?" he asked in that all too concerned way of his.

 

I shook my head and eyed Rachel to keep her mouth shut, which she did.

 

"I'll leave you two alone. I'll bring the children in when they finish their meals." She gave me a pathetic smile before leaving the office.

 

More silence. Sure I had been alone - mostly alone - in a room for fourteen hours, but I couldn't even allow myself to think about anything for fear that he would know what was on my mind.

 

"You accuse me of hiding things..."Mulder's voice cut the silence, "but clearly you're hiding something from me."

 

So much to say that couldn't be said. We sat in silence until Rachel returned, where I then chose to stand up and demand to see my children.

 

Rachel seemed a bit startled  by my forcefulness, but given I'm sure I looked ready to blow  - because I certainly felt like I was going to - she conceded and opened the door, nodding for me, us, to follow her.

 

We were led to the other side of the building where I could hear children talking and laughing.

 

"Melissa is over here..." Rachel said upon opening the locked doors into a cafeteria like room with circular tables where six children sat with plates of food. Some finished, some were not, but they seemed pretty upbeat about the situation. "William is on the opposite side." she said pointing to the far end of the room.

 

Mulder nodded and headed that way, as I went to the little girl in pigtails who was drinking out of a sippy cup. She was too old for a sippy cup. Before I could get two feet away from her she saw me and squealed, jumping out of her chair and running into my awaiting arms. The feel of her warm soft skin, even the smell of her baby shampoo was just what I needed. I closed my eyes as I held her against my chest and just took her in. Took in her innocence. After a moment I opened my eyes and noticed her plate still had a bit of food on it.

 

"Looks like you need to finish your dinner sweetheart." I said to her as she clung to me.

 

She turned her head, looked at he plate then shook it, "I'm done mommy."

 

"Ok." I said standing up, but keeping my hand tightly clenched to hers.

 

"No, she isn't." Another voice said behind me.

 

I turned and a woman dressed all in perfectly pressed white, her blonde hair pulled in a very tight pony tail, her eyes devoid of any life was looking straight at me.

 

"Excuse me?" I said to her.

 

"The child must finish her meal."

 

"The child can decide when she is finished." I replied in a stern tone to match her coldness.

 

"No. There is no waste. Your child must finish what has been given to her."

 

My teeth began to dig into my lower lip. I was tired, I was hungry, and I was not in the mood for some robotic Barbie to tell me what my child could and could not do.

 

"I'm her mother. I can say it's ok."

 

Mulder quickly appeared with William and the room became eerily quiet, "What's going on?" He asked.

 

"Melissa didn't clean her plate. I'm ok with it, but apparently Broom Hilda here is not."

 

"Are you full honey?" Mulder asked Melissa.

 

Melissa nodded, "Yes, daddy."

 

Mulder shrugged, "She's full."

 

"Each portion is determined based on the child's size and age. She's perfectly capable of finishing her meal." The robot continued.

 

"I'll finish it for her." Mulder said

 

"No." the android was persistent, "The child must."

 

My teeth were about to draw blood at this rate. "This is ridiculous."

 

"This is how things work. This is how things will work." It continued, "If you are chosen, rules will be followed."

 

"Missy." William walked over to us and took his sister's hand, "Just do it." he said in a very defeated tone.

 

Missy looked up at him, and he down at her; after a moment she nodded, withdrew from my grasp and walked back to the table with her brother as she picked up the fork and sat down. All eyes were upon a five year old girl as she ate five bites of pasta.

 

Pizza.

 

All I wanted was pizza

 

 Covered in cheese and vegetables - that I didn't grow myself - and even more cheese on top of that. Mulder didn't question as I picked up the pizza on the way home at Dominos of all places - thankfully it was still open at eleven pm - he even grabbed a piece himself after getting Missy to bed.

 

By midnight I was alone in the kitchen staring at the wall in a sort of cheese induced waking coma.

 

"You're pregnant. Aren't you?" He said from the bottom of the stairs, his arms crossed as he walked towards me.

 

I shook my head, "I don't know." I replied.

 

He pulled out a chair next to me and sat down, "Then what is it? I thought you were going to deck that woman today."

 

"I wanted to."

 

"Over spaghetti."

 

"It's not just the spaghetti, Mulder. It's all their rules. I just have a really bad feeling about this place. I can't do it."

 

He nodded, "I figured as much."

 

"I know the idea of it fascinates you, and I understand that and wanted to experience it with you, but after today..." since I was babbling I thought I'd get it out anyway, "Can you read minds?"

 

"What?" he looked shocked then laughed while saying no. "Why would you think that?"

 

"They told me you could."

 

"Why would they say that!?"

 

"You tell me?"

 

Mulder continued to shake his head, "No. I mean, when I was sick fourteen years ago yeah, I could, but that was with paralyzing, extreme pain and hallucinations so it wasn't exactly a pleasurable experience."

 

"But you honestly can't now?"

 

"No. And I have no idea why they would tell you otherwise."

 

"But Missy.."

 

Mulder nodded, "I can't explain that one..."

 

I leaned back in the chair, "Would you hate me forever if I just wanted to go home. I mean, they said we could."

 

He nodded, "With one...huge...downside."

 

I shrugged and took hold of the cross around my neck, "I'm not wearing this as a fashion statement. Without faith in myself, in my own body....what else do I have? And besides...who knows what could be done with modern medicine, which I would rather have done at home. On THIS planet."

 

Mulder nodded, "But...." his eyes drifted down.

 

"If I am..I am. And if I'm meant to have another baby I'm having it at home, with my family around me and in the regular amount of time, not sped up to meet some deadline."

 

"Sped up?"

 

"They claim they have the ability to speed up gestation. As unpleasant as nine months are, it just feels right that way."

 

"I really wouldn't know, but I trust your judgment. If you think we should use protection..."

 

I shook my head and shrugged, "I'm still catholic...just not a perfect one."

 

"Yes you are."

 

We decided to leave the next day. We'd go in, tell the committee our decision and pay our own way back home. Whatever else happened would be up to us and God.

 

I fell asleep content in my decision in my husband's loving arms.

 

BEEP BEEP BEEP

 

Three loud beeps awoke me, then silence.

 

I rubbed my eyes and sat up, the room was completely dark. The alarm clock displayed nothing.

 

"Mommy!"  Melissa cried from the other room.

 

I rushed to her room, scooped her out of her bed and carried her back to our room and into our bed. By now Mulder had awakened and asked what was going on.

 

"Looks like the power went out." I said as Melissa clung to me.

 

Mulder got out of bed and went to the windows looking out at the cul de sac, "Just for this house."

 

"Mommy I'm scared." Melissa cried.

 

"It's ok." I whispered attempting to soothe her.

 

"I'll look for a breaker box." Mulder said grabbing his robe which fell out of his hand when banging started below us.

 

It sounded like someone knocking on the front door, but not a nice friendly knock a 'open the damn door now' knock.

 

"Now I wish I still had a gun." Mulder said looking for something in the dark room to use as a weapon.

 

"It could be the power company." I replied

 

"This fast?" he said

 

"Don't be paranoid." I said picking up Melissa and holding her on my hip as I made my way downstairs.

 

I looked out the peephole and saw nothing.

 

"They must have left." I said as Mulder stood behind me

 

"Open the door, Dana." A female voice said on the other end.

 

I handed Melissa over to Mulder then, against my better judgment, did what the voice demanded.

 

Upon opening the door three slim bodies all in black made their way in and closed and locked the door behind them.

 

"How long do we have?" One said

 

"Fifty-seven minutes. Fifty-six." Another with the same voice replied

 

"What the hell is going on here?" Mulder said, "Who are you people?"

 

"That doesn't matter now." The first voice said walking into the kitchen and placing a flashlight on the table, "In less than an hour the power will be back on, we have limited time to get you the hell out of here."

 

"Who the hell are you?"

 

The time checker walked over to the table with a laptop and opened it, the light of the screen shining on her thin face, a strand of auburn hair peeking out from the right side of the black hood over her head.

 

"It's them." Mulder said slowly lowering Melissa from his side until she was on her own two feet.

 

"Them?" I questioned.

 

"They have your eyes. I'd know those eyes anywhere."

 

"Fifty-five minutes." the girl focused on the computer, seeming oblivious to what Mulder had said "No activity."

 

"Good. That's what I hoped for." The first girl took the bag off her back and placed it on the table as well, the third much shorter girl stayed by the door, and I couldn't make her out.

 

"Who's the other one?" I didn't want to think I had yet a third child I knew nothing about.

 

"Joy." the computer wizard said, "Come over here."

 

The girl did as she was told and removed the hooded part of her black sweatshirt, revealing the young girl we had met only weeks earlier, she said nothing only looked down at the floor.

 

"Fifty two minutes." she barked, "Hurry up Jess."

 

Clearly the first girl was Jessica, which meant human stopwatch was Abigail. Our children. I ...had no words.

 

Even in darkness they were gorgeous, their eyes even seemed to glow; they truly were a remarkable product of science

 

"Why are you here?" I asked as Abigail - I'm assuming - continued to type away.

 

"Are you deaf? I said to get you the hell out of here." Jessica continued, "Look, we have limited time so you need to do two things. One, pack as fast as possible - only pack what you need, we have a car parked down the hill where we can get to a train station where we then need to take a train into England, it's the closest and given your history I assume you know the area and have ties. Don't pack computers or cell phones, leave those behind. Two..." she opened her bag and pulled out what looked like a giant syringe, "Get that thing out of your neck."

 

I found myself frozen in fear, "I ...can't"

 

"Do you want to go to a planet where your every move is controlled? Where you will continue to be used as a human lab rat for as long as your body can sustain?"

 

"No..."

 

"Then take it out." she handed the syringe like device to Mulder, "It's very simple. Like a giant magnet. Just place the circular end where the chip is, and it will do the rest with as little pain as possible. Then leave it in this container." She handed him a small vial, "Doesn't matter where you leave it, as long as you leave it in the house."

 

Mulder looked at the device, the vial, then me, "But..."

 

"There are no buts here. You have two choices, live by their rules or your own. And with that chip they can and will find you anywhere you go. Even the backwoods of Virginia."

 

"They said we could just go home."

 

Jessica cackled,  "And you actually believed them. They told Joy and her mother they could just go home, and Joy, tell them what happened."

 

"They killed my mother." Joy kept her eyes facing the floor.

 

A young girl saying such a statement caused pain to instantly go to my heart, "No..."

 

Joy nodded, "I woke up and she was gone."

 

"That's why we took her. They think she just got scared and ran away. Since not all kids aren't tagged, they can't waste man hours looking for her. You two are different, they see potential. Your children scored the highest on all tests, they see you as their own personal Adam and Eve and if you don't leave now you will never be free of them."

 

I looked at the device in Mulder's hand, without giving it anymore thought I nodded. "Fine."

 

"Scul-"

 

"Forty-five minutes..."Abigail added cutting him off.

 

I shook my head and headed up the stairs and after far too many moments I felt him behind me.  As if in a trance I walked into the bathroom of the master bedroom and grabbed a hair tie from the cupboard.

 

"I can't do this." Mulder said as I pulled my hair into a bun on top of my head.

 

"You have to." I replied keeping my eyes forward while opening the medicine cabinet and pulling out the first aid kit, "The pain I can deal with, but I'm sure there will be blood."

 

"What if they're wrong?"

 

"What if they're right?" I said into the mirror before turning around, "Between those two girls and the people we dealt with the last two days...I'm betting on the ones we share DNA with."

 

"Forty minutes!" Screamed from below

 

I took a deep breath, turned around and closed my eyes.

 

It didn't hurt

It didn't even feel like a bee sting

There was little blood, and I wouldn't have even believed he got it if I didn't see the tiny little metal chip which had been a part of me for nearly twenty years. It almost felt like a relief to have it out of me.

 

Mulder quickly applied gauze and a bandage before we grabbed suitcases out of the closet and packed everything we could - which was nearly everything we arrived with. I packed the five stuffed animals Melissa couldn't live without into a large backpack, and changed into all black clothing - per the instructions of the girl’s downstairs. William said nothing as he packed all he cared about and with ten minutes to spare we were out the door running as fast as we could to the awaiting 4x4 at the bottom of a hill.

 

Melissa on my lap, William and Joy between Mulder and I and the twins in the front. Jessica drove, Abigail navigated and no words were exchanged by anyone for the hour-long ride to the train station.

 

Once we arrived, Jessica parked in the back of the lot, far from any lights, and left the keys in the ignition as we made our way to the station.

 

"I don't know how prepared you are." Jessica said before we entered the doors, "But we have passports for you."

 

Mulder shook his head, "No need." He pulled a copy of War & Peace out of his messenger bag and opened it, pulling out four passports, "Like a paranoid Boy Scout, I'm always prepared."

 

He handed one to me and sure enough there was my face - the picture was a couple of years old and matched the one on my current FBI badge - and the name Sarah Smith."

 

"Seriously? When did you do this?" I had to ask as we walked into the station

 

"When I knew we were coming here and we may need to escape."

 

"You're a lot smarter than I give you credit for."

 

"Thank you."

 

Between the time we entered the station, purchased tickets with funds Mulder also had in the Tolstoy book, and got on the train bound for London, I found myself in a complete daze. It wasn't until I saw the sun rising on the horizon that I finally snapped out of it.

 

I was sitting with a table in front of me, Jessica - I assumed - across from me, and directly on the other side of the train were Mulder - with Missy on his lap - William next to the window and Joy and Abigail across from them playing some kind of card game.

 

"Jessica..." I said to the girl in front of me.

 

"Yes?" she replied looking directly at me, the hood now down revealing reddish brown hair and a multitude of freckles.

 

"How did you know we weren't going?"

 

"Someone's always watching." She replied, "We don't sleep, so we were put on surveillance. So many people have already come and gone it didn't require as much work as before. You were the only house left."

 

"Cameras were everywhere." I had already assumed.

 

She nodded, "Even the bathroom. Medicine cabinet mirror."

 

"Great." I leaned back in embarrassment.

 

"Even if you said yes to going we were prepared to change your minds. Utopia my ass."

 

"Pretty much the conclusion I came to."

 

"No cars because for those you need oil and oil isn't allowed because it pollutes the air. You're cold? Need a heater? Nope. Put on a freaking sweater. Which you make yourself with yarn you spun yourself - oh wait there are no sheep because no animals are allowed. Guess you can't be cold. Best to wait for the non-existent cotton trees to produce so you can figure out how to make your own linens and clothing oh but wait there is a uniform to prevent anyone from being better than anyone else with actual fashion sense." She rambled on, "Like I said. We don't sleep."

 

"Maybe you should..." I said concerned.

 

"Sure." She turned her head, "Hey Abs, when did you last get some shut eye?"

 

Abigail shrugged, "Bush was president?"

 

"Sounds about right."

 

"Six years?"

 

Jessica shrugged, "It was before all this. When we were twelve we were taken from our 'parents' and put in this special hospital. We weren't sick, they just kept testing us, injecting us...preparing us for some crazy Armageddon that never happened. We haven't slept a day sense."

 

"I'm sorry..." I didn't know what else to say

 

"You get used to it." she sighed, "and thanks to not sleeping we had a lot of time to look into things...like finding out who our parents really were."

 

"We had no idea you existed."

 

"We knew that. There's no resentment. At least towards you. Guess the only true resentment is towards those who made us. Who treated us like science experiments our entire lives. We never went to school and weren't allowed to have friends....you know we're probably the only two seventeen year olds on the planet without a Facebook account?"

 

"You definitely have a good attitude considering all you've been through."

 

"I have to, or else I'd be in a puddle of tears." She sighed and looked over at Mulder, "He said we'll be ok, that we'll be safe."

 

"He's right." I smiled knowing that with all his faults, the one thing Mulder wasn't was a liar.

 

Even though I knew where we were going, there was still a feeling of dread all over me. We got through passport control with no issue. Said we were visiting family. Mulder was even able to provide an address of where we were staying and given the countless greeting cards received I knew that address all too well

 

Apparently when I was asleep - I didn't recall drifting off - Mulder made a phone call on a burner phone the girls had. A car would be waiting for us at the station and sure enough there was a man holding a sign which read Smith as we walked towards the exit and then piled into a black van. The girls in the back, with William and Joy between them, and  Mulder and I in the middle with Melissa refusing to let go of either of our hands.

 

"I knew you kept in touch..." I said in a calm matter, "But..." I couldn't even finish my sentence.

 

"She married rich. Has a huge house in the countryside; we like each other’s kids photos on Facebook and occasionally send actual letters. Aside from how you felt meeting her twenty years ago, she only wants to help. I didn't tell her the complete situation just that we were in danger and needed to hide out for a bit. Honestly I think she was more intrigued than concerned...but that's Phoebe."

 

"Whatever." I said, trying as hard as I could not to sound annoyed and failing miserably.

 

After a two-hour uncomfortable van ride we arrived at a large gate. After a moment the gate opened and the van pulled forward, the large iron bars clanking quickly behind us. After a few yards I could make out a large house, which just got larger the closer we got and as the van pulled up, the front doors opened and the woman with the dark red hair and blue eyes of ice came walking out smiling.

 

I was too tired to fake it.

 

"Hello Smith family!" she exclaimed much too loudly as we exited the van and the driver carried our many bags into the house.

 

"Pretty sure you can use our real names now." Mulder replied as she pretty much ran to him and wrapped her skinny arms around him.

 

"But it's more fun this way!" she continued with that obnoxious accent

 

"Sarah!" she hollered at me and I almost gagged when she pulled me in for an even tighter hug.

 

By now the thumb was in Melissa's mouth and she seemed terrified of the crazy lady calling us by weird names.

 

The exuberance died down quickly when Phoebe got a glimpse of Melissa, "Oh Fox..." not that hearing her utter my husband's name in a soothing way didn't make me want to claw her eyes out, "She's absolutely breathtaking."

 

"One doesn't generally say that about a five year old." I remarked.

 

"but she is." she said looking up at me then her eyes bulging, "oh my.."

 

I turned to see the twins standing by the van, holding their bags seeming lost and confused. Joy stood with William next to them; everyone seemed in a "what now" kind of position.

 

"Grace is cooking up breakfast. Come in and make yourselves comfortable." she said directly to the ones behind me before turning and walking in the house.

 

Mulder took Missy's hand and walked her inside, leaving me outside with the lost ones, "You don't honestly think we'd leave you behind." I said to them, including my own son who seemed to have started some alliance with Joy and the big sisters he never knew, "we're family. We stick together."

 

"I'm not." Joy said.

 

"You are now." I said reaching out for her hand, which after a moment, she actually took, and I lead her inside. The other three not far behind.

 

Strawberry crepes, freshly squeezed orange juice, ripe pineapple and the richest English breakfast tea I had ever tasted was how we were welcomed into Phoebe's home. No one really spoke as we all ate our breakfast. Everyone - even the children - had too much on their minds. Even Melissa was not her usual jovial self, which saddened me deeply given her laugh could make me smile no matter how bad a day I may of had.  She was always my rainbow on a rainy day.

 

Phoebe seemed to sense this and didn't try to engage anyone in pointless conversation.  When we were finished with our meal, Phoebe took us all upstairs to show us where we would be staying. She called it their 'guest quarters' which consisted of a master bedroom with bath - she didn't have children of her own, but had various games and activities for when her nieces and nephews visited. As well as an indoor pool. There was a game room on the first floor, as well as a library and given her husband was gone nine months out of the year on business, she had plenty to keep her entertained.

 

"We have a movie theater." She said while taking us on her little tour, "My husband has many connections, so we can get any movie your heart desires."

 

"I guess if you're going off the grid - again - this is the place to go." I replied.

 

"I can send out my shopper for anything else you may need. Clothing, shoes, any kind of special toiletries. She has fantastic taste."

 

"I don't think we'll need anything." I chimed in, "We shouldn't be here for too long."

 

Phoebe looked perplexed, "Fox told me you needed a place to stay until January."

 

"January?" I turned and looked at those around me, who didn't look at all shocked, "2015?"

 

Mulder nodded and looked to the twins who then looked at Phoebe and then at me

 

"The last flight leaves December 31st."  Jessica said, "They will be looking for you until then."

 

"Even without the chip?" I asked now fearful that I removed something that had essentially kept me alive for seventeen years for...nothing.

 

Jessica nodded, "They're everywhere and you have a very recognizable face..."

 

"I removed something that kept me from dying and now you're telling me I'm still not safe...because of my face?"

 

"You're safer than you were." The other product of my DNA replied

 

"You knew this?" I asked my very quiet husband

 

"You were asleep.  I didn't want to wake you just to give you more bad news."

 

"What about my family. My mother, my brothers and their children?"

 

"They will look for you - they may make a quick census visit.... but they won't hurt them. They won't draw more attention to themselves than they need to. They might know though, by now, you're not stupid enough to go there."

 

"Nine months. We have to stay in this fortress for nine months. If I live that long."

 

"Don't say that..." Mulder said pitifully

 

"We don't know. My body could be destroying itself at this very moment and we wouldn’t know. Cells could be dying, organs failing as I stand here talking to you. It's not as if I can go to a hospital or even a doctor now."

 

"I have a private doctor." Phoebe piped in, "If you're really that concerned, I can get you a full examination, but you would have to go to him."

 

"Well, apparently that's not an option." I said looking directly at the twins.

 

"If you go alone." Jessica suggested, "They will be less likely to look for you alone since they need both of you to achieve their.... mission. Alone you will be less obvious."

 

Mulder shook his head, "No..."

 

"My car has tinted windows, and Dr. Rogers' clinic has underground parking. He caters to the rich and famous. You won't be seen."

 

"She can't go alone." Mulder said, "I have to go with her."

 

"You have to stay with the children." I replied, "Melissa needs you much more than I do right now." I didn't want to admit that I preferred to be alone at the moment. I didn't want to admit it to him or myself.

 

"I'll go with her." Phoebe said, "Since he's my doctor I feel it's best. Why don't you rest up and I'll ring him up."

 

And with that she vanished down the winding staircase.  Melissa whined she was tired, so I placed her on one of the beds in one of the three other spare bedrooms. Twins took another, William slammed the door of one and Joy stood alone in the hall.

 

"If you don't mind sharing a bed with a five-year-old who has a tendency to kick..." I said to her.

 

Joy just stared at me with a dour expression, "My mom had a chip too."

 

I nodded, "I would have assumed."

 

"She never removed it."

 

"I know Joy..." I wasn't sure where she was going with this.

 

"I hope you're ok." she said before walking into the bedroom where Melissa was sleeping and closed the door behind her.

 

I loved my husband. More than I could put into words, but as I sat on the king size bed watching him place our items from the suitcases into the dresser drawers I felt something I had never felt before - resentment. His heart was pure, and his devotion to me was evident from the day we met, but right now...fearing what a strange doctor would soon be telling me, I didn't even want to be in his presence.

 

"Do you think you need to pack anything? Will it be an overnight stay?"

 

"I don't know." I replied looking up at the ceiling, not even wanting to share an exchange of eye contact with him right now.

 

"I guess I'll wait until Phoebe tells us." He said.

 

I heard him close the dresser drawer and then felt him approach me, "Avoiding eye contact?"

 

Maybe he did know me too well, sighing I lowered my eyes to meet his and shook my head, "I'm just...I don't even know what I am."

 

"Scared, terrified, frightened, horrified..."

 

"What are you a thesaurus?"

 

"All of the above. Do you feel sick?"

 

"No. But I didn't feel sick before either. Not until it was almost too late."

 

Mulder nodded - he looked like he was going to say more then shook it off, "I'll go check with Phoebe."

 

I nodded and watched him leave the room; doing all I could not to burst into tears.

 

Dr. Rogers could see me at seven am the next morning. No food or liquids for twelve hours.  We had a nice lunch of seared tuna and an early dinner of kale salad before I headed to a much needed bubble bath at my exact ingestion cut off point. Mulder said he would get the already exhausted kids to bed, even the teenage girls were asleep by seven, and after being in the tub for a good five minutes the bathroom door opened and Mulder entered, closing the door behind him.

 

"How are you feeling?" he asked leaning against the double sink facing me in a plethora of lavender and vanilla bubbles.

 

"Invaded." I replied.

 

"I mean...feeling?"

 

"Are you going to ask me every hour?"

 

"Until I get a straight answer from you, yes."

 

Sighing I sat up in the water, not caring what he saw given he probably had a mental road map of every inch of my naked body,  "Fine. I'm terrified, is that what you want to hear?"

 

"Physically?"

 

"Other than in desperate need for a drink I feel fine." I replied, "I don't feel any different than I did forty eight hours ago, but I seriously doubt either of us stressing over it can help me in any way right now."

 

Mulder came over and sat on the edge of the tub, "Missy isn't herself."

 

"I noticed that."

 

"She hasn't said one word. A girl who could start a ten minute conversation about a bug she saw on the sidewalk has said nothing since we left France."

 

"Other than stating she was tired."

 

"Do you blame me?"

 

The water was getting too cold too quickly for this nonsense, "For what?"

 

"For everything."

 

"No, I don't."

 

"I would."

 

"Well, you're not me. Horrible things happened to both of us, and they're not anyone's fault except the person or persons who did them to us. I don't blame you for anything except your own self hatred."

 

"I just feel responsible."

 

"Well don't. Tomorrow I'll go in, get every test I can get to determine if anything is wrong with me and we'll go from there. No reason to start blaming yourself when I could be fine. Unless I am pregnant, and then you can go ahead and blame yourself all you want for that."

 

I actually got a bit of a smile out of him before he nodded and got up, going to the door and placing his hand on the door handle he took a moment before turning back to look at me, "I love you." he said softly

 

I nodded and smiled back, "I love you too."

 

Phoebe and her beamer were waiting for me by five. It was at least a ninety minute drive and she wanted to make sure I got there in time. Mulder was asleep when I awoke at a quarter till, and didn't stir the entire time I got dressed. Maybe it was better this way.

 

Being in a car with my husbands' ex - whatever - was not on my bucket list of life. Nor was ninety percent of what had happened to me in the last twenty years so I figured I should really stop thinking about it.

 

The first ten minutes or so were quiet, peaceful. Nothing except the voices in my head making me fear the worst. Watching the sun slowly rise before me as I rested my head against the glass window of the passenger seat on the left side of the car I was very close to drifting off to sleep until a shrill British accent snapped me out of my daze.

 

"You hate me, don't you?" Phoebe asked.

 

I sighed, closed my eyes and pondered tucking and rolling, "I have a lot more to think about right now than my feelings regarding you, Phoebe."

 

"But I'm right."

 

I sighed, "Can we just not talk?"

 

"Fine." she replied and thankfully stayed mute long enough for me to get a few winks.

 

There was a security guard station, an underground parking garage and a special code to get on the elevator. This was not our typical clinic. A nice blonde woman who couldn't be older than 25 greeted us as we exited the elevator. Her name was Betty and she quickly handed me a clipboard and pen to fill out all of my vital information.

 

"You can use your real name." Phoebe said, "And you don't have to worry about insurance, I'll cover any extra costs."

 

"You don't have to do it." I said sitting down on a nice leather couch a good ten feet from Betty's station.

 

"I want to." She smiled as I quickly filled out my name then realized that out of habit I had written down my maiden name.

 

"We need a new form." Phoebe called out to Betty who quickly rushed over to us with a new form as I handed her the wrong one. "I'm not reading anything into that am I?" Phoebe asked and it actually sounded like she cared.

 

"No." I replied and proceeded to quickly fill out Mulder under last name, "Don't get any ideas."

 

"I don't have any. I know his heart belongs to you. I've known that since I met you."

 

I really had no response for that; instead I finished filling in my age, weight and blood type and got up to hand it to Betty.

 

"Thank you." Betty said, "Dr. Rogers is just finishing up some paperwork, so if you follow me into the exam room he will be with you momentarily."

 

I nodded and proceeded to follow Betty into a large exam room with the general white gown on an exam table complete with butcher block paper. It was at this moment I began to shake, to tremble and to genuinely feel terrified that I would never see my family again.

 

Minutes felt like hours as all fluids were taken from my body, Dr. Rogers basically did what I wouldn't let Robby Williams do in the backseat of his mother's Le Sabre, and I lay in an MRI machine for far too long to be normal. I was still. I was very still, but maybe the rapid beating of my heart was screwing up the results. I had no idea what time it was when I was finally led back to the exam room where I got to sit on the cold paper and wait.

 

"Dana." Betty said from the door as I stared at my feet.

 

I looked up at her with tired eyes, "What time is it?" I asked

 

She looked at her wrist "A little after five pm."

 

I had been here nearly twelve hours, "Do you have the results."

 

She nodded, "Dr. Rogers will see you in his office. You may get dressed first."

 

Exhaustion and hunger had taken over by the time I made my way to his office where Dr. Rogers was examining an x-ray.

 

"Dr. Rogers..." I said entering.

 

"Please come in, Dana." He put the X-ray down. "Can you please tell me again what spurned this immediate need for a full examination?"

 

Dr. Rogers was a very handsome man with dark features and piercing blue eyes that could peer into your soul, but he was looking at me like I was a hypochondriac and it made him less attractive.

 

I sat down in the hard wooden chair before his desk, "I've had a lot of medial issues in the past and recently had a device removed from my body..." even saying it out loud felt ridiculous, "Not to mention I've had a subconjunctival tumor in my sinus cavity for over twenty years."

 

"That's why I called you in here." he said handing the x-ray to me, "I checked it several times and there's nothing there."

 

"What?" I said holding it up to the florescent lights and seeing the outline of my skull, but no tumor

 

"There's a lightbox to your right if you need to look more closely."

 

 Doing just that I placed the x-ray on the glass, turned on the light and nothing, "It's gone...."

 

"Are you sure it was there in the first place?" he asked "It could have just been excess cartilage or a spot on the film... twenty years ago we didn't have the equipment we have now."

 

"It was there..." I began to feel my face and as to be expected, felt nothing. "I was ill for months...."

 

"Well, I'm sorry you went through that, but I checked everything twice. You are a perfectly healthy woman. Even your cholesterol is perfect."

 

"At least I'm not pregnant..."I didn't mean to say out loud.

 

"Well we wouldn't have let you near the x ray or MRI if you were...."

 

I nodded and turned off the light box, "Now what do I do?"

 

"Go home Dana. Live your life to the fullest. You're fine. Based on these numbers, it wouldn't surprise me if you made it into the record books."

 

Dr. Rogers handed me my medical records and escorted me back to the waiting room where Phoebe was texting on her phone.

 

"We're done here." I said startling her.

 

"Oh good." She said, "I was just chatting with my husband." she said showing me her phone and the name Philip.

 

I sighed and shook my head walking ahead of her back to the elevator.

 

It was dark by the time we retuned to Phoebe Manor. Mulder was in the front room pacing as we entered the front door.

 

"I'll order pizza." Phoebe said, "I'm too tired to cook or bother the staff."

 

I nodded, "I just want to sleep."

 

"Eat first. You've been through a lot." Phoebe patted me on the back, "Lie down in the study, I'll let you know when it's arrived. I assume no meat."

 

"Yes." I said walking towards the study with a six foot shadow on my tail. " Where are the kids?" I asked sitting down on the couch still clutching the large medical folder

 

"The twins are glued to the internet, William and Joy are playing video games, and Missy is coloring in the game room." he shoved his hands into his jean's pockets, "What's the verdict?"

 

I handed him the folder, "See for yourself. No tumor. No cancer. Nothing."

 

"And no baby."

 

I nodded, "You know it's for the best."

 

He nodded and sat down next to me opening the folder and perusing the papers inside, "I don't even know what half of this means."

 

"All it means is that I'm fine. I'm not sick...and I've spent the last two hours wondering if I really ever was."

 

"We know they abducted you..."

 

"I know...but maybe the chip was always just a tracker. Whose to say if it removing it made me ill, or if I was tricked into believing I was."

 

"Scully I was there...you were ILL."

 

"I know...but I didn't start to exhibit symptoms until months after the chip was removed....they could have found some other way to make me ill, to make me believe I needed that thing in my neck...." I shook my head, the memories were becoming too much, "Just file it away. We'll go home in January and just never think of it again."

 

"It's not that simple."

 

"I don't want to talk about it."

 

"But the data I found, those two girls upstairs..."

 

"Mulder, stop it. I know what was done to me and I know I can't change any of it. I'm healthy now. Let's just leave it at that." My head began to pound from stress, "Let me rest and wake me when the pizza arrives."

 

"Fine." He said slamming the file shut and leaving in a huff like manor I was sadly used to by now.

 

Cheese pizza and a glass of wine were just what I needed to put me into a coma like state. I slept for ten hours and when I awoke I felt like a different person. A healthy person. After getting out of bed I went down to the dining room where my children - all four of them - and Joy, were eating breakfast.

 

"Where's your father?" I asked the group.

 

"Sitting by the pool." Abigail said as she took a sip of orange juice, "he hasn't spoken all morning."

 

Behind the glass doors in front of me I saw the back of his head as he sat in an Adirondack chair by the Olympic size swimming pool.

 

"Thanks." I said heading to the door, opening it and sitting next to the man who seemed to be staring off into space.

 

"What's wrong?' I asked looking directly at him

 

He shook his head, "Nothing."

 

Sighing, I leaned back in the deck chair and looked up at the bright blue sky through the clear ceiling, "And I know when you're lying."

 

He didn't reply, simply continued to stare off into space.

 

"And here I thought you would take my clean bill of health as good news."

 

"I do." he replied, "I'm very relieved that you're ok. There's just so many questions and I don't know if I'll even get the answers."

 

"Sometimes you don't need all the answers. Just take solace in knowing we're going to be ok."

 

Mulder looked down, shook his head, the turned to face me, "I'll try."

 

Phoebe decided that we needed some alone time. As a reward for my clean bill of health she treated me to a new black dress complete with Manolo Blahnik heels and a night at an expensive hotel in London.  The twins didn't think it was a good idea, but I needed some alone time with my husband. Especially now.

 

The car picked us up around seven pm and drove us to a hotel where we had dinner and then retired to the room by ten. No one was watching us, no one was following us, we were completely alone, but there was a distance in my husband's eyes I'd never seen before. Asking what was wrong was pointless, all I could do was hope he would simply get over whatever was bothering him.

 

"There's complementary champagne." I noted as Mulder sat on the bed removing his 'too tight' dress shoes.

 

No reply.

 

Sighing, I opened the bottle and let the cap hit the ceiling.

 

No reply

 

Part of me just wanted to down the entire bottle, but instead I poured some in both glasses and walked over to the bed sitting down next to him, handing him the glass which he thankfully took.

 

"Can we at least toast to being tumor, implant, and cancer free?"

 

Mulder gave a small smile and nodded, "I can toast to that."

 

After the glasses clanked we both took a sip and after a moment passed proceeded to finish the beverage. I stared down at the empty glass and once again wished I had drank the entire bottle. Mulder was running his index finger around the edge looking down as well and I just wanted to shake him out of whatever his beautiful mind was doing to him.

 

Taking the glass out of his hand I stood up and placed them on the counter with the rest of the bottle - which I did pick up and quickly finish - before turning to see the sad sack still looking at his knees.

 

If there was anything to snap him out of his current state I knew what it was and if this didn't fix it I wasn't sure what would. Taking a deep breath, I placed my hands on the bottom of the dress, quickly pulled if off over my head and tossed it at him.

 

The dress landed on his lap and without skipping a beat he picked it up and looked up at me with a confused expression I wasn't used to seeing in these circumstances.

 

"I'm pretty sure this is why Phoebe sent us away." I said placing my hands on my bare hips.

 

Mulder nodded and the expression on his face suddenly changed. He stood up and tossed the new dress onto the floor and approached me, placing his hands on my face and smiling, "I know it is." he said softly kissing me before quickly picking me up into his arms - something he hadn't done in years - and carrying me to the bed.

 

I didn't even know what day it was anymore. Not that it truly mattered. I had nine months until I could go home - even though every day I began to doubt what the twins were fearful of - so I decided I could at least make the most of it. I awoke from a night I hadn't experienced in ages to a bright sun coming in from the windows and Mulder's arm wrapped around my chest holding me tightly against him. I could have stayed here forever, but I knew we had to go back to a homesick teenage boy, twin daughters we hardly knew and a five-year-old that could be happy anywhere.

 

Joy....I still wasn't sure what to do about her.

 

But I had plenty of time to figure it out.

 

My morning begun just as the night before had ended and by the time we actually got out of the bed and got dressed in casual clothing we had packed the night before, I felt content that we were both on the same path. Mulder seemed like his old self and even when we got back to Phoebe's he was playing dolls with Melissa and a video game of zombies and machine guns with William before bed. For the first time in a long time I went to sleep hopeful about our future.

 

I woke up cold

I woke up alone.

 

I sat up quickly and called out my husband's name. Nothing. I repeated myself. Nothing again. I tried his first name....no sarcastic response. Honestly worried I got out of bed and felt his side of the bed, cold. Panicking I rushed out of the bedroom and noticing the door to Melissa’s room was open, slowly walked into the room as my pulse steadied upon seeing my husband sitting in the chair next to the bed where my daughter slept.

 

“What are you doing?” I whispered as I approached him.

 

In the moonlight I watched him sigh and look down, “This isn’t the life I promised you.”

Taken a back I looked at him confused, “What did you promise me?”

 

“Not this.” He said looking up at me, “Not any of this.”

 

He seemed a little drunk, but mostly depressed. I honestly hadn’t seen him in such a state in years. Not since Melissa was born, “I don’t regret my life with you. I can’t imagine why you would think I did.”

 

“But did you ever think about how your life would be if you never met me?”

 

Now we had reached the seriously depressed state and I wasn’t sure what to do to bring him out of it. I kneeled down on my knees to look up at him as he sat in the chair, his eyes focused on his own lap, “Would you mind filling me in on what spurned this sudden case of melancholy?”

 

Mulder shook his head and looked over at me, “I just want you to be happy.”

 

“Who said I’m not?”

 

“Given everything we’ve been through.”

 

“Yes. We’ve been through. Mulder, I could have left at any time in the beginning, but I didn’t. You know why? Because even then I knew I belonged with you. I didn’t exactly understand how or why that was, but at the end of the day I knew my life was not complete without you in it. I don’t believe in soulmates, but even so I know we belonged together…. regardless of how long it took me to act on it.”

 

“No regrets?”

 

I shook my head, “How can I have any with what we created.” I said looking over at Melissa, her left thumb shoved in her mouth as she slept away oblivious to what her parents were saying right next to her. “Every day may have not been a great day, but at the end of the day I am happy with my life.”

 

“Even with everything you now know? Everything?”

 

I nodded, “I don’t dwell on the past. I don’t think about what could have been, I focus on what I have. It may not be conventional; I was not expecting two seventeen-year-old girls to show up in my life, but just like the five-year-old dreaming about trees made of bubble gum – seriously she told me that – they’re ours and there is a reason they came into our lives. Even if we can’t see it quite yet.”

 

Taking a very deep sigh Mulder’s eyes went back to the cherub sleeping soundly, “I guess I’m just afraid one day you will wake up and realize what a mistake you made in staying around so long.”

 

Reaching the point of annoyance, I grabbed his hand which was resting on the armrest and squeezed it hard, “I won’t.”

 

“But in nine months…”

 

I shrugged, “I’ve been through so much worse than nine months locked in a castle being waited on hand and foot.”

 

“You know we can’t go home…. we can’t go back to the FBI.”

 

I nodded, “I realized that the second we said no to Utopia.”

 

“And still no o regrets.” He asked again.

 

“Not one. As far as I see it, anywhere with you is utopia.”

 

“And you accuse me of being the sappy one.” He said FINALLY smiling down at me.

 

“Now.” I said standing up, my two hands still firmly locked on his right hand, “Do I have to prove my happiness, again.”

 

“No…” he shook his head, but kept his eyes locked on mine, “But the reminder would be nice.”

 

I can’t say the next nine months were perfect. I can’t say there weren’t fights and disagreements and one of us – Mulder  - sleeping on the couch. There were tears, but we always made up. By May Phoebe’s husband had returned and the jealousy I still felt for the woman seemed to dissipate; William and Joy had become inseparable and I realized finding a new home for the girl would devastate my son. Like Mulder and myself they had a connection and even as young as they were I had never seen William so happy to have someone he could relate to. Someone his own age who also felt like she never fit in with anyone else. While I was busy reading every book in Phoebe’s massive library, Mulder had worked with Patrick – Phoebe’s husband – on moving our savings into a trust before purchasing land in Malibu to start building our new home. Between the large salaries we were being paid to essentially hunt and track down people to be sent to this new planet, and the money Mulder had inherited from his parents we honestly wouldn’t have to work for the rest of our lives if we didn’t want to. Mulder said he chose Malibu to get as far away from DC as possible without crossing an ocean. I watched him as he got up in the middle of the night to doodle out specs of our second dream home. Now with six bedrooms to accommodate all of our children and Joy. We were sent videos on a daily basis of the progress on paradise on the cliffs of the Pacific Ocean. I watched as Abigail and Jessica’s eyes lit up at the views of their future bedrooms. How could watching two girls who never knew a parent’s love tear up at watching drywall go up ever be seen as a regret? By December, the house was completed and just waiting for us to occupy. Given we had already packed up the house in Virginia before leaving in April, it was easy to ask my mother – who lectured me for a good hour about why I was finally calling her after eight months of no contact– to get with a real estate agent – this was after promising we would fly her out to the new house in January for a much needed reunion where I then introduce her to my teenage doppelgängers – and work on selling our home. Between the area and the market, the house sold in less than two weeks and for three times what we spent building it and all of our belongings and cars were loaded onto moving vans to make the long drive to California.

 

William had grown almost six inches and was closer every day to the height of his father, Missy had grown a few inches and by Christmas entirely new wardrobes had been purchased and packed for the one-day flights to LAX at ten am on January 1, 2015.

 

The night of New Years Eve, Phoebe and Patrick took all the kids to a special firework presentation in London. Leaving Mulder and I alone for the evening. Something that hadn’t occurred in quite some time. We had a quiet dinner at Phoebe’s home before taking a walk around the property, hand in hand, looking up at the night sky.

 

“I wonder when that last ship left…” Mulder said looking up at the darkness.

 

I shook my head, “Sometimes I wonder if it was even real.”

 

He nodded, “It was. They showed me photos. So many happy people and as happy as they were I guess I knew then it wasn’t for us. As it is, I’m perfectly happy on this crazy planet.” He smiled down at me.

 

“Me too.” I smiled up at him.

 

Maybe we were destined for more, but sometimes you have to make your own destiny. And as we all walked off the Virgin Atlantic flight and stood in passport control waiting to be given the green light to start our new lives we all knew we were creating our own future.

 

I never had much of a ‘retirement from the FBI dream’ and they really didn’t seem to notice that we never came back, but not long after moving to Malibu had we purchased a recently closed clinic in a low income area of Los Angeles and I had gotten together with various doctors in all fields to start up a low to no cost medical clinic for those who couldn’t afford to go to a doctor. I would work in the clinic three days a week, and the twins worked the reception desk. Sadly, as smart as they were, they never received a formal education after the age of twelve – something my husband’s former mother in law lied about – so they were really unsure what to do in terms of their future, but they seemed pretty content just to be part of a family again. I did, however, enroll them in a sleep study hoping they would actually be able to sleep again, unfortunately months of treatment and dozens of medications later and they were still pacing the halls at night. I just wanted five minutes with the monster that turned these beautiful girls into permanent insomniacs.

 

Missy started the first grade at a private school not far from the house and Mulder gladly drove her to and from every day. She had many friends and had quickly bounced back to the happy girl we had grown so accustomed to before our brief life overseas. William and Joy started the eighth grade and I had yet to receive any discipline notices.

 

Finally doing what I had been telling him to do for years, Mulder decided to throw all his nervous energy into writing. He had started a series of comically based novels about all the unusual characters we had encountered throughout our history together. Flukeman started strong and ended up being the sympathetic hero of the story, but his latest novel Vampire Pizza Boy was the biggest hit. There was even talk of a movie adaptation.

 

Every now and then when I would come home from the clinic I would find Mulder sitting out on the deck with a glass of scotch or some other beverage just staring up at the night sky. He never said anything, but I couldn’t help but wonder if now he was the one with regrets. Generally, I would let him be, but on one Friday night after the kids had returned to their rooms and the twins had gone to the movies with friends they met online, I grabbed a bottle of already opened red wine out of the fridge, removed my calf killing heels and joined my husband on the deck.

 

Sitting in the chair next to him I removed the stopper from the bottle and poured some in a glass before placing the bottle on the side table between the chairs.

 

“What are you thinking about?” I asked taking a sip of the rich beverage and looking over at him.

 

Mulder shrugged and picked up his own glass taking a drink as well, “My next book.”

 

“Mothman, The Great Mutato, or brain eating mutant?”

 

“Just a normal guy, who is just going about his every day job when the most beautiful woman he’s ever laid eyes on walks into his life. Changing it forever.”

 

I smiled and took another sip while keeping my eyes on him “How does it end?”

 

“You tell me.” He said turning and looking directly at me.

 

Nodding I placed the glass down on the table and looked up at the night sky, “They lived happily ever after.”


End file.
